minne * storrie __"

2007-11-08T21:44:00.000+08:00

shifting my blog to :

http://ultimatexuberance.wordpress.com/
please comment and relink... thks guys :D

<3

2007-11-08T18:24:00.000+08:00

o's are finally over.
which means, NO TOUCHING OF BOOKS.
its a taboo to me now... :x

nahs...
sometimes i just feel like doing some math...
cos its fun?
oh gosh.
a 100percent nerd.

during the o's periods.
my socks are damn high.
no more flippers for me...
looking like a nerd is way classier than looking like a promiscuous ahlian...
:D

duirng this SHORT break.
am gonna accomplish some unfinished business.
am gonna help my mother do more housework...
am gonna shop til crazy.
am gonna spend more time with my bf (provided he is willing to)
am gonna spend more time w my dearest bestie, sisters, and grp of 5...

hopefully im able to meet them up a day or two...
cos they have thier own life, own friends to spend with,
sometimes i just feel quite sad.
though i convinced myself to act like a coldblooded girl who is immune to such stuffs.

rather downcasted these days.
i dunno wad's happening to me.

after crying for a night, waking up the next morning with swollen eyes will make me feel better... :)
got a feeling as if im gonna lose you guys anytime. :D

my feelings for you seem to be irrevocable though we're far away.
and im happy that i know i'll love you as much as the first time we got together.
i love you

yours truly,
xuans.

2007-10-28T01:58:00.000+08:00

D':

so sad and depressed because of something; in the midst of my dearie O LEVELS. :(

but aint gonna affect my motivation to work harder...

2007-09-23T18:53:00.000+08:00

im sry for the attitude i gave these days.
somehow i feel that im not as important to u as the days pass.

:'(((

from wad i see,
maybe u can trt other girls better :D/DDDDD':
you can say im jealous or wad... if i tell u, you'll only say sry... but hey, sry is no use when u just say it to appease me...
say sry also nv change.

iloveallofmyfriends :D
and of cos, i love you too :(

2007-09-22T01:05:00.000+08:00

prelim results are disastrous!
shan't elaborate further.

just to summarize on certain things.
overall. i find such things LAME. _l T.T L
if one wants to be a GENUINE gangster or whatever settle what troubles,
go overseas.
sg is scarce of land for such things.
ain't pin-pointing.
but just because i heard a lot about such things.
it really wanna make me LMAO ><

hooligans nowadays sounds so CUTE""". inverted commas :):)

2007-09-18T20:49:00.000+08:00

prelims are finally over.
but though its over, but O LEVEL hasn't.

had science paper 1 and art paper...
science p1 was erm... i cant really do much. cos i wasnt concentrating due to the fatigue im suffering from.

art paper too, was not smooth sailing.
but at least i know i tried my best to do everything needed...
therefore my conscious is clear. :D

after art paper, me, shenn, adoncia, joanne, ah lee, peiying went 18 chefs to have our lunch.
i was famished and thirsty. my dear boy came to find me, ivan oso came along :D

we slacked awhile, have fun.
a lil celebration after the tough "intensive" effort that we put in for ART @##%$^&^@#!$%
WHICH IS TIME CONSUMING
i hate to admit.
BUT THIS SUBJECT SUX.
nevertheless the painting process was fun.
while the mounting boards were tedious.

but after you've passed up all the work.
you'll feel proud about ur accomplishment.
a few hrs outside after this tedious process wont hurt. :x

have loads of fun chatting, gossiping abt pervertic stuffs, or some bitches and stuffs.

:D:D

then ahlee, joanne, and peiying left.
we sat down pasting the stickers on out hp that we COUP" from popular :XXXX
a sin i've committed today :X

then some lame girl... oh well. dun tok about it.
disgust me :\

sat at the vacant stall beside each a cup, me, adoncia n shenn chatted like nobody's business.
so much to say.
so long since we sit down and really tok.
hahas.

so many ghost stories to share :x

I'LL WORK HARDER.
because i know my prelim results will disappoint my parents.

adam khoo wouldnt help, but i must try to help myself.
right shenn?
rmb the promise ar!

2007-09-18T01:09:00.000+08:00

din know why there was a sudden exhilaration when i heard about the news.
i shouldnt be feeling this way... :\
tsk.
perhaps i havent changed.

well.
iloveyou.

din know why, human relations changes so fast.
at first it started out to be vvvvvvv close.
like soul sisters.
gradually, things changed.
friendship fell far apart...
like just hi bye friends.

resentment results.
who to blame?
me, and myself.

sometimes i wonder if i'll still keep in touch with.... when i graduate...
or i even wonder if frenships last?

aw... :(((

2007-09-16T00:57:00.000+08:00

im sad.
i hate life
everybd makes me cry... :'(

2007-09-03T00:16:00.000+08:00

happy bday to my hao peng you, KOHKAHBENG :D

well...
its quite late now... according to my "bedtime" TIME.
apparently.
i cant get some slp.
feeling rather crestfallen.
and of cos.
im troubled.
the main reason...
i shant say.
anyway. ppl who know me well enough knew what or who was the main reason.

:'(

these days... i feel rather apart from you.

there's a time.
when we hung up...
i din know why.
i just teared.
sobbed n sobbed.

searched for my phone book.
i came to realised that i have no one to relate to whenever im sad.
i decided to put on a brave voice.
and rang bestie up.
and told her to call back,

when she called back.
i took a long time to ans it.
cos i cleared my throat and stressed myself to stop my endless sobbing.

and of cos... gossipping with her helps me forget my troubles.
i woke up the next day with ruddy hell swollen eyes.
fortunately, it wasnt a sch day.
:D

thk god.!

i just wanna make a comment...
im a useless girlfriend of yours.
is anyone AFRAID of ringing up your boyfriend or even texting him just a simple msg to see if he's doing fine?
i din know why...
whnever i want to...
i hesitate a while...
sometimes i just save the msges in my drafts...
and at times when i picked up the courage to send...
my heart pumped so rapidly...

why is this occuring to me...
i find it pointless to feel this way...
HA!
wad a joke, many ppl may say.
a girlfriend afraid of contacting her boyfriend.
wad a coward!

many times when i waited for ur call.
i feel really really unhappy n upset...
esp when the time is really late.
cos i know that you've forgotten about calling me.
as usual...
you guys know what i'll do...

when i knew you forgotten about calling me...
it makes me even more sad...
but its ok to me...
im immune to such feelings... :D

sometimes SRY is only a empty word.
its longer a magic word to me...
whenever im upset over someting...
you'll always repeat... sry...
im not telling you to blame yourself whatsoever...
but just want you to know n understnd n realise this n this upsets me...

its tiring right?
sry...
that y im not a good gf...
at certain circumstances...
i feel rather neglected.
things btwn us aint the same anymore...

ppl dun see it...
mayb u dun...
but i can...
cos im the sensitive one...

whenevr you knock off from work...
you used to text or call me...
that happens back in those better days...
now...
it doesnt happen anymore...

ignore my rants.
im insane.

oh ya.
daddy bought me a camera.
a slim n sleek cam.
its 6.3
finepix z5!
yay!
and its PINK!
that cheers me up a tiny eeny weeny lil.

you're the only one who can cheer me up...
:'(
maybe calling me is a boring TASK or tedious task to do.
i wont haunt you to clal me anymore...

i was born to tell you that i love you.

2007-08-31T22:23:00.000+08:00

had an ENJOYABLE day today :D:D

cos it'S TEACHER'S DAY!

and at the same time... it also kinda spells the last day of 409 spending time tgt. seriously.
i hope 409 can go the same sch n be at the same class forever :X
anyway im just deluding myself with soem impossible "illusions"
:\

haish. i tink i'll cry on the last day :X
yes or no?
dunno.

erm.
many things happen today.
mr wee, mr harold goh n mrs walcott wore our sch uniform.
and they look XTREMELY cute!
omg.
*squeeze cheek*

and me n mich went up to the stage in the midst of mr wee and mr goh's performance.
^^;

today is a memorable day,
it'll be kept deep in my herat forever.
these 4 yrs,
this yr's teacher's day...
is the best day i've spent in evss.

happybday to to my dearest crazAYE classmate, HAS-LINE-NA!
and tmr is someone's bday SIA~
lols!~

anyway.
im sad.
cos im missing you. =x

imaginations do run wild.
haish :(

just wanna say.
i miss you.
sometimes i hope that you'll care for me ALWAYS likes there's no tmr...
or mayb like i'm dying of a disease tmr...

i hanker for ur love, ur attention...
sometimes i just wonder...

2007-08-24T21:12:00.000+08:00

oh well.
some ppl are just fabricating lies.
:

hmmms.
went to study at bugis with a ruddy big group.
me, joanne, sutelapipi, marvin, louis, ah lee, lao gao, simon...
crapped our way thr.
with adoncia n ahling.
LOLS.

then we had our lunch at food junction...
then headed to national library to study.
we went from 14 to 11 storey,
and recoken that we can study at the refrence room.
lil did we know tat the faggort librian told us to study in the study area at storey 5.
ok.
she's said it rather flatly.
and i find it rather rude.
she seems like shes retorting la.
__

we've already placed our bags in our locker le.
so in the end.
we just left it thr n headed to storey 5.
and the study lounge was filled with ppl.
didn't know tat sg students are so hardworking... :x

so we decided to sit on the carpeted floor at a corner and started our revision.
i trt it as my home by lying on the floor like i did at home :x
then this punteh librian,
came and told us to leave as we're not allowed to study in the gallery corner.
argh!
so we shifted places to the non-airconditioned "garden"
i had a rather uncomfortable studying experience.
seriously, national library should provide ample space for students to study in!

forget it la.
studying in a garden is uncomfortable, ain't a conducive environment to study in.
well.

after hrs of studying.
serene and simon have to go as they meeting their friends for dinner.
so we continued.
and after awhile.
we left.

the rest parted ways.
left me n marvin,
then we had our dinner...
and walked around bugis strt cos im searching for SOMEONE'S present.
not bday de.

lols.
i went home.

anyway marvin is a nice friend to relate to when you have some things to share. :D

anyway.
im gonna study now!

i love you boy!

oh ya.
when i reached home.
mum broke a heartwrenching news to me.
maybe next yr, xian xian will be going to a childcare.
means i won't see him anymore!

:'(((((((
i cried of cos.
i fought back my tears n cried while bathing as the thought of him stung my eyes.
mum cried too.

imagine.
you spent 2 yrs tgt with this lil boy everyday.
you see him everyday without fail.
partings arre always cruel.
i hope his mum will give up the thought of sending him to a childcare centre as i really cant bear to see him go.

i will miss the way he beats me whenever he throws a tantrum,
i'll miss his naughty-ness.
i'll miss the way he tries to pronounce words tat are of 3<>

i'll miss the way he scream and covers his ears,

i'll miss the way he hugs me n calls the hug "love"

i'll miss the way he calls me loudly "eeyun jiejie" or "ah an" when im actually eexuan, not eeyun or ah an.

i'll miss the way he clings on to me whenever i goes when i coax him by playing with him spiderman.

i'll miss the way he gave me the kiss when he bade goodby to me and said "xiexie".

i'll miss the laughter he always had even though he din know wad we are laughing at, he'll just follow the crowd.

i'll miss helping him change his clothes n such, like taking care of him, feeding him.

i'll miss the way he pulls my nose out and shout "beat!"

i'll miss the way he pretends his the cook n mutter to himself on such cooking utensils like "boil", "put oil", "chhhhhhhhhhhchhhhhhh {sounds of frying}", and "nice! {whenever he acts like he've tasted wad he prepared"

i'll miss every fibre of him... pls god.

dun let this happen. xianxian cant leave my hse just lidat as he hasnt get to know my name correctly.

as time goes by, he seemed like a lil bro to me.

oh well, i feel like crying now. in fact i am :'(((((((

i love ethan kek zhi xian, the lil cheeky boy.

that boy, shaking his leg like a thug! so cute!

:D:D

oh my! sooo cute *squeezy cheeks*

i need a miracle.

so that he will stay. :(

2007-08-23T22:04:00.000+08:00

2ndpost.

recently, i thought about something that really brings me into deep thoughts.
well.
i've heard about something.
what is the paradox of SOMEONE'S rebukes?
the way the person phrases the sentences really makes me wanna go OOHOOHAHAH.
lols.

does tat someone understand this simple and rather common; not at all profound :
"THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK."?

people dont usually probe into some other's i shall say, "well-being" or to put it crudely, "fuggin problem", ppl define as "KAYPO." actually i shall say, is just being concerned, or maybe sarcastically, being a nosey parker.

but anyway.
just keep this elementary idiom in your mind.
" the pot calling the kettle black."

cos people are doing what they don't like people to do to them.
thats SOOOOOOOOOOO terrifying! :\ {sardonic tone}

i reckon ppl may think, " isit me?"
if u think im talking about u, means its you.
or maybe you're guilty?

contemplate on what im trying to imply.
no pointing of fingers.

hence, to give a clue.
its just my opinion.
don't like it.
tell u wad.
move you mouse to the direction of north east{if im right},you'll see a icon with an X, click on the X sign.
TADAH!*
and leave this fuggin site. :D

call me callous, call me mean, call me bitchy.
but hey.
im dun care of what you think of me.
cause i don't give any tiny eeny weeny effort to care about what you think about me.

and i love you still, no matter wad :D

2007-08-23T21:12:00.000+08:00

i feel so elated when you hug me in your arms when i cry.
i felt so much better.
the way you hug me soo tight.
suffocated.
but hey...
thats wad i wanna feel

your tender loving care.
i'll never ever let you go.

anyway.
i had a vvvvvvv exhausting n demanding day that drained out all my energy.
nearly fall asleep during geo.
but luckily.
i din.
cos i kept pulling my eyes slits open to keep me awake so that i can learn more.
though i have not been doing well in CH.
i know i can do well.
cos i know myself that i have not been putting in any effort to really, i say really means put my heart n soul to study.
so i will try my best to obtain the best results i have for my prelims, O's and examinations.

anyway.
my sha gua LAI BEN-NI {my onniku} is sooooooooooooooo sweet today.
sweet until even ants crawl all over him.
LOLS.
he settle my lunch today.
my fave ebbiko!
with rice.
TASTE nice!
no matter what is prepared by him.
its the nicest!

I LOVE YOU shagua!

every moment spent with you is the moment i treasure. <3

and and not forgetting.
ALL MY BELOVED FRIENDS.
<333

2007-08-20T18:00:00.000+08:00

IM NOT HAPPY AT ALL~!

angry angry sad sad.
whatever. :'(

2007-08-18T00:22:00.000+08:00

:'(
im so sad,
what happened?

you're a beautiful disaster.

anyway.
school's damn tiring today.
and im feeling rather giddy these days.
perhaps im lacked of slp.
fatigue ar.

i don't know how to tell you.
i don't know how to advice you.
but just hope you'll know your limits when you spent.
though im also a spendthrift.
but i'll get what i want whenever i have the money.
i hope after my o levels. we'ill have more time for each other.
haish.

nights everyone.
im exhausted.
tmr got the SIAO tuition.
; )

iloveyou. YOU YOU.

2007-08-16T20:47:00.000+08:00

IHATEIT! IHATEIT! IHATEIT! IHATEIT! IHATEIT!

2007-08-15T18:34:00.000+08:00

haish.

anyway.
bu neng shuo de mi mi is SUPERB.
as usual.
i cry.

:D:D
a lachrymaniac aint i.
but i dun care :)

going to study le.
i wanna faint :(

*im thinking of you.*

2007-08-14T20:50:00.001+08:00

sry pink pink! :)

after tang lao shi's advice~
i feel so bu gan xing!
i know its vvvvvvvvvv bu gan xing.
i bu gan xing!
i bu gan xing!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
:(:(:(

feeling sad... over a lot a lot things.

2007-08-13T21:33:00.000+08:00

i know i can do better.
B3 is not where i should stand.

:(
sigh.
actually was just consoling myself this afternonn that b3 is better than getting a c which i expected.
but right from the start.
i targetted a.

forget it.

hey fucker,
you effing hell have no rights for telling me to be contented about what i've got.
shut ur pie hole yo!
who is contented of what they currently have?
if u say that you urself is contented.
let me tell u.
FUCK U.

NO One is ever contended.
try me.
i'll prove to u man!
seriously.
this doesn't apply to the concepts of LOVE mindyou!

if u have one set of nice clothes,
and u see some othr nice clothes.
of cos u will work hard to purchase the other.

and apparently you're just deluding yourself.

shan't waste my energy on you motherfucker. :)
dun try to act as if ou understnd me.
hey.
u dun even know me inside out.
and so stop putting on a false facade.
im me. and you're you.

irritating ass.

to those who didn't achieve what they get:
dun give up! :D

have been spending the whole afternoon being buried tgt with books.
i will achieve what i want.
even though i can't.
i knew i did my best.
and at least i try my best in everything i do.
unless some sourgrapes :D:D

im as stubborn as a mule.
and im egoistic.
BUT... so what?

i wanna thkew my parents, my boy and some of my friends for the encouragement :)

2007-08-11T19:17:00.000+08:00

I HATE BUGGERS!

omg...
i hope you'll get off my feet.
dont talk to me.

i really don't know how to trust your words.
you say you wan do this and that.
but...
in the end.
u just say the sake of saying.
just to make me happy for a while.

i tell u.
dun say wad u dun mean.
instead it makes me angry,
and we'll end up quarreling again.

rmb.
say wad u'll put ur heart n soul to fulfill it.
NOT JUST EMPTY WORDS. =\

i found out something today.
im a changed person.
there are some things i used to force myself to accept.
as times goes by.
i cant accept them anymore.

AHH!AHH!AHH!AHH!AHH!
i wanna scream out loud.
hey boy.
IM SO NOT okay.

2007-08-10T23:28:00.000+08:00

OMG!
im so excited about somethings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv excited!

2007-08-10T22:13:00.000+08:00

now i finally understand.
the feeling...

i want to sayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy........
something.
but not here.....................
my heart knows it well.

maybe one day i'll switch my blog to wordpress.
its better.
u can lock certain entries from othr readers.
means those who got hold of the pw are then allowed to read tat certain post.

i shall switch to it.
but not now.

watched rush hr today with shenn, ahling, bernard, jason, casti, herman, jianhan hunxian, kwanghui.
TAT MOVIE IS DAMN DAMN FUNNY!
so cute!

ok.
after tat took neoprint in cs,
then jason, bernard, shenn n ahling went vivo.
i follow the rest to popular.
and they follow me to NTUC.
then home sweet home.
oh ya!

i went to find my boy in the morning.
:D:D

maybe somethings should be left unsaid.
to prevent my foul mouth to complicate matters ant further.

i don't care.
everything are just fake.

putting on a brave facade. :D
im not fine.

2007-08-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

im tired.
haish.
of every single minute that have past.
i hate myself.
don't ask me why.

iloveyou.
really.

i did sooooooo many bad things.

anyway.
happy national day everybd!
fireworks are beautiful.
it'll be more beautiful if i watched it tgt with u.
haish.
now is 10.8.07
i guess last yr;s promise wasnt fulfilled.
i can say im disappointed but i nv blame u.
u have ur reasons mah.

my heart feel relatively heavy now.
im a loser.
im everything negative in this world.

881. is a nice movie.
but not worth 9.50.
funny and sad. {I CRIED} :x
boring during those hokkien songs.

88yoaryo!

forget it.
i ain't feeling alright.

:(:(
m a big girl now.
and big girls dun cry.

2007-08-08T20:31:00.000+08:00

im clueless of what the hell im currently thinking.
hate myself.

WEM. shan't continue any further yea.

i must get serious.
sch today is boring :(:(
quite.
im proud of my class.
we won the noticeboard competition!
so happy can!

im sure mr wee will be proud of us.

during national anthem...
my phone rang,
and kaijing{pigongmama} is so cute!
he sang soooooooo loudly.
and the othrs follow suit.
just to cover up the ringtone.
so zai lor everybd.

thks ar:D
but its like so cute!

hahas.
im bored.

and bestie!
its nt wad u tink about wad u suspect now...
only u noe wad i mean yea?
shhhhh....

im sick.
:(
studying :D:D:D:DD

2007-08-07T22:34:00.000+08:00

down with a FLU~
*ahCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*

2007-08-07T20:13:00.000+08:00

people do change.

now i know you'll see a different me.
i shall say... those sec 1 and 2 yrs.
when i ponder over these two yrs.
i feel ashamed.
ashamed of my old ways.

gradually i repent a lil here n thr.
i hate ppl who talk as if they know me damn well.
c'mon.
im myself.
you're not me.

you can't presume that you know me better than i ever know myself.

frm aquaintance to pals and again pals to aquaintance.
due to the changes of the surroundings.
relationship changes as fast as it does.

i know this ordeal i'll get over it fast.
prelims are around the corner.
i failed my phy DT today.
i felt lousy actually.

but if i say i feel downcasted.
shan't say any further.

but i know.
i learn frm my mistakes.
i'll be more careful.

a pass is not wad i aim for.
i want distinction.
i have my own dreams.
and i definately dislike ppl giving discouraging remarks about it.

i'll show wad im capable of.
hehes.
BEING MEAN .
*evil laughs*

anyway.
im nv ever deluding myself.

Your Relationship is Strong

You've built the foundation of a great relationship, and it would take a lot to shake it.
Through good communication and respect, you have a true love that can last a lifetime.

http://www.blogthings.com/howstrongisyourrelationshipwithyourguyquiz/">How Strong Is Your Relationship With Your Guy?

2007-08-01T20:11:00.000+08:00

meet up bestie:DD... adoncia:D came along too...
:D:D
had yoshinoya for lunch.
went popular to buy something.
SAW GOH CHANG RONG! :)
that emo.

meet up with SAMPAT (qiuyun) <3, and my bro jewelicious~
CHATTERED a lot a lot in popular.
had sooooooooooooo much fun chilling with them.

CHENDOL~
i eat chendol everyday~
right qiuyun?

lols.
meet up with my boy at 4pm for lunch.
SWEETIE boy!
he bought me famous amos cookies!
darn. i love it so much.
but i love him more :D:D

i love famous amos!
all time fave - CHOCOLATE N PECAN~
:):)
walked around.

he sent me home.
i have a fun day today.
im happy.

and i must always tell myself that BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY. DON'T CRY DON'T CRY DON'T CRY. {ilovethissong!}

LOVE EVRYBDY! :D

MY MUMMY'S BDAY'S TODAY:)
i love my mummy.
the one n only noble mum.
who tolerates my temper unconditionally.
loves me for who i m.
and a mum who show favourtism.

she's my super mum!
and my cute mum :D:D:D:D:D:D

YAY! my daddy's paying for my prom fees...
relieved...
bcause it lightens my financial load.
haish.
financial problem now.
so many things unbought.
guess i'll have to give up some items.

daddy's leaving for bangkok tmr.
sigh.
i'll miss my chubby daddy.
super dad!

im proud to be a mummy n daddy's girl.
hehes.

2007-08-01T09:50:00.000+08:00

gastric problems worsen these days.
i wonder why i dun hav the appetite like the past where i devour my meal down...
thankfully ytd during lunch.
i was starving.
unfortunately,
i nearly fainted during geo lessons.
it was scary.

i break out into cold sweat n my face became so pale.
breathless... seriously i tot i was gonna die.
miss tan is soooooooooo cute n nice!
and amanda is my sweetie pie!
thks for helping me carry my bag yo~ :)
ILOVEAMANDA!

after sch. went for art.
after art... had our lunch...
then still early.
decided to go north park to chill with ahling, shennie, pigong mama n marvin... :)

took many crrazay pictures.
LOLS.
was fun!!!!
loads of laughter.

sat at the playgrnd chit chat.

waited for marvin's gf come.
then all of us parted ways.
took bus home w qiuyun n jaclyn.
SO FUNNY!

whole bus was filled with zhong guo qiangs.
LOLS.
made by us.

today din go sch bcos i was late.
meeting bestie soon.
now go prepare le.

BYE~
i love evrybody!

after reading my sister's blog.
i feel like crying.
i understood how she felt...
i tink i'll miss him even more if he's in army.
i tink whenever i send him back to his boot camp,
i'll cry...
LOLS.
lachrymaniac.
and!!! he's going to army next yr..

finally im outta this labyrinth of love.
it felt so great being with u.
it seems like this happiness shall last forever!

2007-07-30T22:26:00.000+08:00

lols.
now i wonder latest fashion is to use ur fringe to cover ur "mad-eye"...
LOLS!
its dumb :)
AND UGLY.
funnyfunnyfunny~

i must not pretend tat im someone else for all time.
when will my reflection show... who i m inside.

i have a feeling inside me.
i guess a part of me is gone...
i tink you've took it away...
took my heart away...
tats why i feel so empty...

my one n only bennylua.
i'll miss u...

one yr n 5 mths coming soon.
i hope i can have a proper date w u soon :(

moodswings every now and then.
ohgod~
sry for my attitude, my dear frens n boy...
wads has gotten over me...
suddenly im insane. suddenly im super quiet...

2007-07-25T18:26:00.000+08:00

art coursework!
DTs.
38 days to prelims. {REVISION is like not even half done}
THESE THOUGHTS have been bombarding my mind.
i guess that strands of white hair are beginning to grew...
i know tat im done for this time.

saman's bday today :)
happy bday to her.
S.A.M.E!

<333

well. i just hate being ostrasized. :\
no one knows the feeling.
i abominate this feeling.

things undone today.
math homework
revision for science DT.
artist research.

many things undone.
this life is pinning me down with TONTONSOFtasks
intense revision is coming!

i dun even care the slightest bit about wad ya tink of me yo!
cos u're just situated at the periphery of my eyes.
leave ur comments to urself. thks for tat big favour u've done :):)

novels are my best companions whenever im bored.

ilovebestie!

and i love my boy...

PMS kinda mood.
i'll turn nasty. hehehehe.

wo shi han guo ren!
ahling shi xin jia po ren!
zha men shi xin han guo ren! :):):)

a sudden thought of the first movie tat makes me cry is -
GHOST.
heart wrenching movie,
though it is a old movie.
but its still the best!

{edited}shou zhu! seeing yusheng cry makes me cry too! {/edited}

2007-07-24T21:59:00.000+08:00

NABE*

fucked up man~!
SO DAMN FRUSTRASTED WITH THOSE MOUNTING BOARDS.
had fun with gf, PIGONGMAMA*kaijing, MY DEAR AMAN, huimin n marvin today.
insanity with kaijing.
sampatness with gf~

and!
me n pigongmama makes great buddies for loudness n sampatness.
not forgetting gf! ( ^-^)/((\(^-^ )
always siaosiao with her de.

tmr someone bday sia.
forgot hu le :x

imissmyboy...
not even a sms or call from him the WHOLE DAY!
:(

art coursework drives ppl to the dead end.
i feel like crying now!
so many things undone.

IWANT GUESS? WALLET n I WANT TAT CARDINGAN!
wtf! ><
why everyone like so weird with me today?

2007-07-21T22:10:00.000+08:00

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS!

omg...
its out today~
but i din get it from popular.
mummy says tat after the craze is gone then will purchase it.

quanyin bought it way before it has been punlished in Sg.
because she got it delivered right at her doorstep 2 days b4... and SHE COMPLETED IT!
i oso would in 2 days. i reckon 1 day is also possible.
cos HARRY IS IRRESITABLE.
a book tat once u start holding on to it, u can nv put it down.
just like esctacy.

will harry die?
quanyin told us to read it ourselves.
OHMY.
I CANT WAIT.
dun tell me about the ending.
i wanna find it out myself.

im gradually turning into a bookworm.
tats a good news.

ohmy.
vicious hags are indeed callous lor.
but its better not to mess with them.

horrendous. simply horrendous.
why are people degrading themselves by using hardcore-hooligan-kinda vulgarities when they write?

i wanna braid my hair like the previous trip i went to bangkok!
itsssssssssss sooooooooooooooo damn COOL.

globalwarming is driving my sweatglands crazy.
im feeling so sticky all over.
time for a bath :)

durian season is here!
the fragrance of durians!
ohmylove!
yummy*
my family is deeply affected by this D24 craze.

sahkorpua.
thr's a hole in my pocket!

toohdoohs~

ilovemyboy!
and i love all my friends!

2007-07-18T21:16:00.000+08:00

HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED MY FEELINGS B4 U DO SOMETHING?.

i can see a history repeating.
this time i cry less...
wad would u feel if i do this to u...
im sure u'll be more angry than me...
ytd we've just tok about it...

u left me b4 u know?
NOW I FEEEl tat its happening again...
bcos the first step u do is the same step as u first take in the past.

my heart is ruptured by u...
wad am i gonna do?
can someone tell me?

dun ask me anyting until u know wads happen...
i tink by the time u know...
its too late...

:'(((((
im crying now.
in class, i can be as crazy as a lunatic.
cos ..... is rite.being crazy can make u feel better.

sighs*

dun feel like telling u bcos...
i know wad will u reaction b... :)

numb*

2007-07-16T21:22:00.000+08:00

lc is CRUSHED,
~A1~

fine.
shall say no more.
time wasted mans!

no time left le.
prelims arnd the corner.

mugging soon.
well...
i hate sarcastic people. :)
though im one of their member.
but im SO DISGRUNTLED by those spiky words.

:\\\

harry potter is nice :D
this time is a darker version.
more profound though.
not like the otehr episodes.
more of the kiddish side.
and!
the book is definitely nicer.

:D overall nice.
FRED N GEORGE = CUTENESS. cheekayness.
chochang = bitchayness*

time spent with u is damn precious.
i guess. i wont be seeing you that much in the near future bahs :x

im sad.
sry frens for not being able to spare my time.

2007-07-10T22:37:00.001+08:00

i nv knew you were sooooooooo important to me until the day i lose you.
come back to me pls~!!!!!

i seems to be talking about someone but actually talking about a thing!
its MY WEEKLY ALLOWANCE!!!
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSSSS!

i tell u guys!
im sad. very sad.
i misplaced my whole week's allowance k?
= to NO $$$$$ for MOVIES, no $$ lunch n dinner.

ok...
im sry for not treasuring you.
rahhhhhhhhhhhhs
dam frustrated.
SHALL NOT REPLY ANYMSGES OR WADEVA.
for now...

i so sad until i can cry over money...
its not a small sum k?
im a pauper mah.
not a princess.
this money is important to me.
i guess i wont be able to survive this darn ordeal.

WO SHI QIONG GUAN DAN~ :(((((

HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT MONEY.

2007-07-09T21:56:00.001+08:00

im lazy.
:)

well.
just to start off.
the match of captain's ball was superb la.
ZAN DE LA!

mayb b4 the match i ate something,
during the match.
i have a giddy feeling.

ytd night.
i felt so insecure.
cos i wanna tell him things.
though im crying.
but he nv wanna hear me out.
n he kup my phone.

i was so sad that i cried la.
its like a duh!
i always do tat.

i jus feel tat im a girl.
and i have my own pride.
yelling at me wont solve the matter.
i hope you'll talk to me nicely everytime.
rather than shouting through the phone.
i'll cry more.
ok?
my dear boy....

just to say.
wo ai ni :)

2007-07-03T22:51:00.001+08:00

sometimes i just hope tat you'll feel wad i feel.
then you'll know wads happening to me.

gastrics these days.
=\\\\
sighh.
i dun feel well.
will i die?

haish.
die better.
better than this kinda life.
can anyone make me happier?
i wish someone could.

GATSBY*

this days i'll miss you.
definitely will.
wad about u?
mayb i doubt so...
mayb u will.
how i wish u will.

let me know if you miss n love me...
i'll feel a lot times happier :D
alil care from u,
i'll be contented.
how i wish.......................

2007-06-27T19:38:00.000+08:00

i'll keep quiet :D

gonna watch TRANSFORMERS!
i wan! i wan!

anyway.
only when something happen to u.
then i'll actually understnd.

shut me up when i wanna talk.
i'll be quiet.
i'll change.
i'll nv be the same again.
i'll shutthefuckup.
wad you said, you nv even tink thru b4 saying me. cos it nv happen to u. so you wont even understnd. u may find it ridiculous. next time wadeva things i'll not say le. ok? i dun wan to lose my rewlationship with u. i dun wan to spoil it. i'll make peace as much as i can. just shut me up can. thks.
RAHHHHHH!
EVERYTHING IS KILLING ME.

only meal of the day : recess :DD
free slimming down.
DOUBLE YAYYAYYAYS~~~
F2orF4?

i feel lonely. sigh.

2007-06-26T20:46:00.000+08:00

HAISH.
i saw something!
feeling quite sad.

anyway.
wanna tell BENNY LUA.
FOR MALIGNING U.

sorry!
heres my apology.

wad will u do if u're me?
am i too ridiculous or wad?
can someone tell me wad to do.
im helpless hopeless.
im sucha difficult person.
sry boy.
can we pls pls solve this.
nicely.
dun quarrel.
i hate to quarrel.

i've been trying my best to change things in e past i usually do.
im sure u know tat u shouldnt do tat.
but in the end.
u dun consider my feelings and just do this without my acknowledgement.
but i saw.
u know ytd i oso have this urge to tell u tis.
but i wanna recfm again.
im disappointed.
i know im ugly.
benny lua.
why are u doing this to me?
:'((((((
and why must i cry?

imagine u saw ur bf on friendster.
and he like to add girls onto his frens list.
esp those girls with pics tat wanna seduce guys those like purposely show her cleavage, wear bikini then neh neh come out all this.
wad will u actually feel?
will u make a fuss out of it?
haishh.
pls tell me wad i shall do?
isit wrong to b sad or angry over such things?
haish!!!
isit bcos im ugly?
tats y u;ll do this?
WHY?
i dunno wads wrong with me....

I DUN LIKE TO SEE/know SUCH THINGS!

i've got a suprise for bestie.
dunno successful anot?
hope it'll be successful.
if not my effort will be a waste :(

2007-06-25T21:31:00.000+08:00

im sry my dear boy,
for maligning u ytd.
sry...

i din mean it...

sighhh.
why everytime i dun tink b4 i do, b4 i say anything.
hated myself for tat.

today is a start of a new term.
got my cfmation slip.
O lvls in 3 months time.
lets scream!!!!
:((((

my class is as rowdy as ever.
mr wee change my sit.
cos i was too talkative sitting bside my frens.
then at my new place,
i was rewally quiet.
mr wee tot i really have no one to tok to,
but actually.
tat time i felt sad n moody.
so i din tok.

sch reopens.
frens :D can see my frens.
after sch.
went tM for a while.
bot a hairband.
so ex.
my week allowance gone.

:(

went home.
played maple for a while.
bernard gave me mesos :D
cos i noobie.
lols.
cleric wanna be.

well.
it was my act of defiance.
then i slpt for awhile.

i kept thinking of someting today.
haish.
I FEEL SO SAD.

:(

2007-06-24T21:15:00.000+08:00

maybe sometimes i blame myself for not giving you respect enough...
aiya.
i dunno wad im actually emphasizing.

but i overheard someting just now.
i asked for another repeat.
but the topic was changed.

i dun even dare to tell u straight away tat i hate tat kinda behaviour.
it means u aint giving me respect as ur gf.
u may think.
wad i do wrong?
bcos i ended the call with my voice that sounded so down n grumpy.
u may think "this girl siao one, out of nth like pms lidat."
since u like wad u did just now.
i've nth to say, go on make frens with her lo. your chiobu hairdresser mah.
u may think tat im being petty.
well.
put urself in my shoees.
whenever i say those things about other guys.
is becos of wad?
becos u said someting to make me upset whenever it is guan yu otehr girls,tat i do tat back to u.

after we hung up.
i dunno wad i did.
but i just cried in frnt of the tv screen with the noisy chatters of my aunts n uncles and my nainai.

luckily all of the are oblivious cos i've got my technique to cry seriously.

now thinking of it.
will really make me cry.
yaya.
im a lachrymaniac.
tke it or leave it.
since u like being in a midst of so many pretty girls than a plain jane like me.
fine.
tell me.
i'll disappear so tat u can go hong without anyone to be upset of. :D

maybe my dear readers wont understnd as they may think...
oh this girl ar, so sensitive for wad...joking only mah.
ya.
joke.
mayb i dun tke it as a joke yea.
it sours my heart.
crazy aint i.
only the same sensitive ppl will understnd.

do u purposely like to make me sad by telling me about some other girls.
if yes.
hey, thk you.
u've succesfully make ng eexuan cried.

i dun like to quarrel with u over such small matters.
but mayb u din know.
u always "unknowingly or deliberately" show off ur flirtous attitude in frnt of me.
i dun like.
i feel upset. jealous or wadever.
HEY.
u name it.

i shant say anymore.
dun tell me cos it hurts.

:'(((

just to round up.
i love you. with a haish.

2007-06-22T21:49:00.000+08:00

i din manage to see him today!!!
aww...

feel a lil bitsy tiny eeny weeny tooty sad.
actually is VERY... :xxxx

cos i tell ya ar.
i god damn miss him.
DAMN DAMN DAMN.
wonder if he too, miss me as much...

anyway.
sigh.
ytd vvvvvvvvvv late at night. about 2 am plus.
i gave my boy a call.
i tink i disturbed his slp or his gaming yea?
sry.
cos actually i wanted to say sth.
but i was not prepared...

cos i miss him.
like i kept tinking of him.
and i shaken awwake from a nightmare.

it goes like this.
my boy went to a vacation to thai.
wondering why isit thai?
cos i go thr quite often?
well.
then we promised to contact.
like cos he's going for like b;ardy 3 weeks.
i'll miss him like gods hell.
ten he din even contact me.
he just heck care me.
not replying my msges.
and the heartbroken me, in sg...
cried everyday. {tats wad i do when im heartbroken =\}

sending multiple of smses.
dun even care if my phone bill is suffering.
one day he called me.
he told me, he wanted a brk up cos he met a thai girl thr.
he heartlessly told me tat the girl is sooooooo pretty, even prettier than me and right from the start im just an old ruggard plain jane doll.
who aint hot, does not have a {QIAN TU HOU QIAO} figure, no big boobs =x, no sexy butt and a ruddy hell attitude hu pisses him off evrytime.
and a meddlesome fugly lad.
and he rather be with someone hu's pretty and nice.
so he chose to leave.

he said, not to contact him ever again. cos he found someone better.
i cried every single night.
then i finally bot a plane tick to thai to see him.
i saw him.
with the girl.
so i pleaded him to come back to me.
HEY. I PLEADED HIM.
inclusive of 3 kowtow and im rght on my knee yo!

i told him" i'll nv leave you. becos you're the one i love sooooo much. "
i cried so hard.
then i commited suicide.
and i died.

-dream ended.-

and my pillow was soaking wet.
tasted rather salty :xxxxx
lols.
wads tat liquid?
of cos is tears la!

well.
luckily.
he gave me a morning call.
was sooooooo relieved.
i wanted to say so many things to him.
but those nv came out.

then i wanted to study.
but i was rather restless.
cos im thinking of the dream.

sigh.
im scared.

i just wan you to know how much u mean to me.
no one would be better than u.
nv.

i've never be so certain b4 tat i love this person so much.
yea.
imiss you.

2007-06-21T22:33:00.000+08:00

2nd post :xxxx
im naggy!

*sniffsniff*
i'm more refreshed now :D
well.

i smell like strawberry LOLLIPOPS.
cream and strawberry {chupachups}
bcos of my showergel.

hehes.
feel like drinking the whole bottle or showergel.
smells so delicious :x

hey boy.
ya know im missing u.

love keeps no records of past wrongdoings.
lets forget everything about the past.
its the future we're looking forward to.

2007-06-21T20:04:00.000+08:00

OMG.
i can say that i'm grounded la.
cos whenever im going out.
my mum.
gives a face like this : >:

so therefore i owe an explanation to my dearest JOANNE AND FUYEE.
sry. for not having to explain to u guys.and im glad tat u guys believe me.
cos i wanted to shop with u ppl.
but but!
my mummy :((
cos of my freaking SA results.
sry my dearies.

i love you guys sooooooooooooooo much.
and and i miss you guys!
MWARKKKKKMWARKKKKKKKKKKKS.

i'll start my revision tmr.
and my BELOVED""" hols homework.
fugging last min hor?
cos i laze arnd everytime.
WAHAHHAHAHAS.
sch reopening next wk.
IM SOOOOOOOO NOT PREPARED.
my dearie boy is having his test next week.
wont be sseeing him much next wk?
arh arh!
i'll die :(((((
die of starvation.

cos whenever i see him.
i'll eat him up.
hehes.
cannibal ar me :DDD

oh ya.
a qns here.
will thr be shooting stars in SG?
i want to watch em with my dearest boy :D

OMG,
i love him i love him.
sooooooo muchie.
tat i'll nv let him go.

anyway.
i miss all my pals; buddies; bestie; DEARIES
namely GUILING. MICH. JOANNE. FUYEE. ADONCIA. SHENNIE. PINKPINK. 409 siao langs.
my lil sis dua pui neh neh is here :x
lols.

speaking about dua pui neh neh.
today, on the mrt.
i saw a fugly dugly mugly sugly dua pui nehneh :xxxxxxx
HEHES.
so disgusted with her.
she thinks she's hot.

oh yea.
being hot n sexy doesnt mean u need to bare your dua pui boobs right.
cos eddy; the mdc hairstylist said so on a show*. cos a aunty said she wanted to be sexy. i tink he disagree with her of wearing tooo scantily of her age. so he said tat.

tat applies to tat dua pui neh neh i saw today :xxxx
she thinks shes sexy.
but i dun tink so.
on the contrary,
she makes me wanna puke :xxx
hey im nasty alright.

but really lor.
she reckons tat she can attract HANDSOME youngsters.
instead instead.
lao tikos lookin her boobs.
i tink not the face.
cos u cant look at the face,
you'll wanna vomit.

well i looked at her boobs too. :XXXXX
cos they're soooooooooooo dua. :XXXXX

im a self proclaimed tikobu :DDD

well. enough of my bitchinggs.

sexy/hot does not = TO scanty/skimpy dressing which flashes ur boobs.
it = to charisma, high self esteem, confident and a nice figure :DDDD

and and!
why do ppl add strangers online?
like only virtual frens
i find these ppl rather bhb cans.
add strangers online for wad fuck :D

hmmmms.
if noe each other ok la.
but imagine urself adding ppl tat u dun know.
i tink just to expand ur frenster fren's count.
not ur social network.
lols.
lame ppl do lame things.
im lame.
but but being lame in a sensible way not a senseless way.
LOLS.

"ADD ME! TO BE MY FREN"
lols.
i've nv seen u b4 how to be ur fren.
alright.
and those intro thingy.
tats irritating :\\\\
ppl intro like for instance myself: xuan16, female {female or male u wont know mah. can fake one. wan know see real thing lor}
LOLS
its like sooooooo BOO~
adding ppl from the same sch is ok.
but from other country, from other sides of sg?
like wad i said.
expanding frenster acc. LOLS.

FOR GIRLS.
add pretty girls n hunks.
LOLS.
funny mans.
for guys?
of cos pretty girls but nv hunks.
or maybe girls wearing bikinis?
lols.
funny.

wadeva,
im ending my shits here. __
i sound rather pissed ?
u can say so?
why?
only guiling & shenn noes :DDDD

enough said.
last but not least.

i love benny lua forever and ever.
lao gong :xxxxxxx
LAOPO AI NI! :DDDDD

2007-06-19T21:17:00.000+08:00

went siloso beach today with my dear boy, renee{my boy's fren} and her bf, john.

was fun!
no volleyball court.
renee went tanning.
while me, having the phobia of sun and my boy too,
we took shade from the coconut tree and enjoy the sea breeze.

went for a dip in the sea.
and play volleyball, without net for a while.
took pictures.

went bath at the toilet.
was so freaked out by the lizards!
im scared =\\\\\\

long q in the toilet agn!
while waiting we tok a bit.
she's nice to talk too :D
and she's cute.

then finally our turn to bath.
and after tat.
had dinner at sakae.
buffet for 10 mins!
BREAK TAT RECORD.
we ate sooooooooooooo fast.

now im terribly broke.
:((
~$~

well.
8 more years.
u promised.

baby, i do. :DDDDD
i;ll walk down this aisle,
hand in hand.
nv let u go.
we;ll live our life happily ever after.
:))))
ok?

nv leave, nv go, nv let u go.
i love you.
i love youuuuuuuuuu!
the most and most!

mwarkkks!

oh ya.
i was wondering.
how can such friend exist.
yadayada.
wad a bitch.
fuck u __

2007-06-18T20:59:00.000+08:00

went far east plaza to get my bikini today :DDD
for tmr's sentosa trip with my dear boy n his frens.
:DDDD

long time since i've been there.
:)
we went VERIGOOD to hav our lunch.
and then we went walk walk around.

MY SIS HAVEN HELP ME BUY A VISOR/CAP
and and!
im freaking in need of it to bring it to the beach tmr!
god damn!
I NEED A VISOR OR A CAP.!

i have fun with my boy today.
i hope i can have fun and spend time with him everyday.

i love you baby.
i pledge to be with u for the rest of my life and will nv be apart from u.

whoever break this pact shall grow eekyweeky pimples n zhi chuang on his/mine big fat bummies! =pp
om, im so evil yea :D
but i swear i'll not brk this pact we had.
and and... he's going army next yr.
ohmygoddess. sure will miss him de.

my onniku!
and and and!
back to naruto shipuuden.
GAARAGAARA, oh ya look so fine :D
GAARA OF THE DESERT!
GAARAGAARAGAARA the KAZEKAGE of the hidden village of the sand. :))))

akatsuki organisation is soooooo cool! BD though they're villians.
but because ITACHI is part of them.
they rule in a sense that i find them~~ superduper! :D

2007-06-17T14:18:00.000+08:00

tuition later.

happy daddy's day :D

im disappointed.
so disappointed DDD':

shall not say anymore alright.
sighs*

dont tell me cos it hurts.

i miss benny lua anddddd all my beloved frens.; bestie, joanne, fuyee, mich, adoncia, shenn anddd my fabbbbbb 409 dearies!!! <33333

can't imagine life without your love
even forever don't seem like long enough
cause everytime I breathe I take you in
and my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
u keep me drowning in your love

{edit}OH YA!
currently watching naruto shipuuden.
*rasengan!!!!!!!*
effing nice yo!
my sis watched all the anime le.
stop at eps 17~
gaara is currently dead.
BUT just now at tuition adoncia's bf, ben said that gaara is revived by his great grand dunno wad.
and and! OROCHIMARU IS DEAD! but tat ass kabuto..... shall not reveal more. watch the anime/ read the manga!

omg.
and my sis told me that sakura is a powerful ninja le.
she has some of tsunade's healing powers.
2nd tsunade ehs?
all of them are shinobi's now! <3

i tot she was lousy :x

well.
i miss him. again. {/edit}

2007-06-15T20:26:00.000+08:00

MY BENNY MY BENNY.
you;ll nv be replaced.

i never see him today :(
i miss him soooooooo~
so~~~~~~~~~

MUCH!

:DD
always rmb that
ILOVEYOU~
always.

i saw a video!
tat someone made.
and it was really sad!
omg!

2007-06-14T23:47:00.000+08:00

just browsing thru some blogs.
read a blog on someone.
if im the guy's gf...
i;ll love him with everybit of my heart.
but i love my bf with every fibre of my heart :D

but the gf just took him for granted.
i know how it feels when you see someone u love BLABLABLA.
dun mention it too obvious.

just feeling very insecure abt everything.
=\\\

now i understnd how it feels.
sometimes i do things to provoke u.
its on purpose.
cos i wan ya to know how i;m feeling if u're doing tat to me...

2007-06-14T21:46:00.000+08:00

royston says tat my bf is cute!!! ^^

thks.
cos i find him the most adorable and handsome guy in the world.
and he's mine forever. and ever!

i went to his sch again today.
:DDDDDDD
hehes.
greatness.

i love him so much.

thanks for your love n care today.
i really enjoy the day we had tgt tday :D

SHREK.
SAUSAGE ROLL!*

time goes on and on like its nv ending.
it flies as fast as the lightning strucks.
hopefully one day we;ll slow down our footsteps hand in hand.
with loving smiles we glee at each other,
nose that touched each other...
kisses that fills up whole whole atmosphere.
enjoying the scenery of the bright future we have constructed
for us to walk down this roads of ups and downs.
hand in hand.
and never be apart.

hey boy.
you know i love you.
and i need you as much as how the pretty flowers needs the fertilisers, the clayey soil and the sunlight and water. ;p

nothing in this world could stop us tonight.

{{你大大的勇敢保护着我
我小小的关怀喋喋不休
感谢我们一起走了那么久
又再一起回到凉凉深秋
给你我的手
像温柔野兽
把自由交给草原的辽阔
我们小手拉大手
一起交游
今天别想太多}}

2007-06-13T17:55:00.000+08:00

oh gosh.
im sibei worried man.
:(((

silly girl.
jie will nv despise u becos of such a small thing.
it is your fault wad.
rite?

i'll do my best to help u in anything :D
<3

2007-06-13T16:44:00.000+08:00

its sucha LONNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGLONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG
time since i've last blog.
well. im exaggerating ;p

i woke up super early today.
by an sms.
i tot it was him so i jumped up.
ended up to be other ppl.
well.
i laughed upon seein that msg.

:D
i aint feeling right today.
i continued to laze arnd on my bed.
tinking of some negative things.
then my tears came out like it began to rain :\

thats wad girls are made up for.
NONSENSE :D
ohya!
i forgot to tell you guys.

SAMPAT IS MY MIDDLE NAME.
FATTY IS MY FAVE NAME. {only bennylua can call me that}
anddddddddd!
i went to my boy's sch n attended his lessons tgt with him.
wahahhahas.
his teacher's really very very cute ;D
i mean not those cute-ness that ELVIN has.
is those lao ah pei cute.
:x

hahas.
i'll be rotting at home today.
HU SI LUAN XIANG.
i tink tooo much la.

sometimes i just feel that im not worthy of any0ne.
im mean im not a good gf.
though i wanted to be.
but i dunno where to start.
sumtimes i just wished that he knows how to respect me all the time.
respect.
respect.
tats the keyword.

is there any of the bookstores that sells a manual or instruction guide about "HOW TO BE A GOOD GF."

geez.
i reckon that im just as useless as an old rugged toy being thrown away.
D:
how i hated that feeling of being angry so easily.
i wasn't lidat in the past.

if i could draw a rainbow in the sky.
i would add on colours that signifys my everlasting love for u.
so that you'll see how important you r to me.

if i could cry like the rain.
i wld wanna die.
so that everydrop of my tears can show u how lonely n how solemn i'll be high up thr.

like u said" imagine me w/o you"
thr's not a need to imagine.
cos i'll nv leave.
i'll always be here.
whr u wan me to be with.

ytd night.
after we hang up.
my mind went wild again.

i miss you so much my boy.
but u gave me a tot that u dun.

OMG.
ELMO IS SOOOOOOOOO CUTE.
cos today i watched sesame strt with ethan kek zhi xian.
and ethan is a huge fan of elmo.
so am i!

elmo's soooooooooo cute xDD

there's like a tumour in my gastric?
erm.
cos my gastric hurt everynowandthen.
DD:
im gonna die.
better not tell my mummy abt it.
she'll get freaked out n be sooooo worried.
well.
we shall see if the condition worsen...
then i'll visit the docs.
i hope i wont leave this world so soon.
so many unfinished business.

2007-06-05T19:40:00.000+08:00

mr don yeo came back to pack up his things,
i've got his contact no.!!!
:DD

we gave him hello panda n kinder bueno.
tok to him for a while.
and he's so cute!
omg!
"wahhh! hello panda!"
i'll always rmb the way he says tat.

i cried on the way out.
mr yeo's last day.
yet i tink back.
i really din do as well as he wanted all of us to.
haish.

XU BING!!
omg.
xu bing xu bing.
why is he out on the first episode?
:(

after sch.
went tm n cs walk walk with bestie, joanne, fuyee.
i din get to see him today.
i dunno how i felt today.
:D:):(:/:(((((

i wont say much on my blog i guess.
i knew he would be angry.

sometimes i wish i can show him how i felt
sometimes i wish he knows wadeva things he do, actually it really hurts me alot.
its not becos i tink too much...
sometimes when im with him...
not knowingly i felt like crying...
ytd he went to bath n prepare for work.
i cried myself to slp.

sigh.

i dun feel what i really wanna feel from u
everytime i tell u wad i feel, you'll either make a fuss out of it.
or you'll say "isit..?" in a heck care tone.
i rather not say anything.
i rather remain silent.

:'((((
i know noone knows how i feel deep inside.
no words can express how much i love him and how much miseries im feeling.
if i were to slip into coma, i rather i'll nv wake up from it.
from wad i know, to be in a coma, its a place whr everyone could get wad they wan.
and be happy.

i believe if i were to be in a coma,
you'll love me as much as i love you.
i feel that its unlike the reality.

i love you more than you love me. you may find it ridiculous. but i hope u will put yourself in my shoes.
mayb you wont.
instead you'll scold me for crying.
you'll scold me for thinking too much.
i always wonder.
does your love work like this?
do we need to have conditions to be happy tgt?
its not tat i doubt you.
but your actions doesnt give me the security.
it shows how much u care.
not demanding u to call me always.
haish.
i dunno wad i wan.
mayb i dun understnd ur concept of love.
i suck.
tote-tally,
D:
sometimes i really envy my frens whenever they say how much their boyfriend care for them whenever they are down.
it mkes me wanna cry.
i hate to cry.
cos i know my crying makes u frustrated.

sighs.

2007-06-03T19:28:00.000+08:00

neglected my blog.
apologise for it.

well.
many things happen these days.
thats the reason why i didn't manage to find a time to blog.

my great grandmother passed on at 29-5-07
mummy din inform me.
so when it was late already
she told me to come home earlier as i hav to attend the funeral at 8 pm.
so i rushed home.
had my dinner.
changed.
and reach the wake by 8.

when the body was brought in.
my yi po;s, daddy, shushu... wept...
and i was on the verge of crying.
i used to be very close to my great grandma...
but as i grew up.
i see her less.
so we drifted.

i din cry.
but i felt like crying but i have no guts to.
all of her gana shun din cry.
and its so xtra of me to cry.

we had our prayers.
a buddhist - my great grandma.
so we nian jing.
for one hr everyday.
but on friday it was 4 hrs.!!!
tiring.
but it was believed that the louder we nian.
the easier for her to reincarnate.
its like singing songs la.

friday was the last day of the wake n saturday is the cremation day.
we walked arnd the coffin citing "ahmituofo"
tat period was a solemn one.

on saturday.
we took a last look at her.
b4 we sent her off.

and it was really cruel for me to witness the coffin being slowly pushed into the "dunno-wat"
aiya. the place where the coffin is burnt.

i was suppose to wake up early today to colect the ashes.
but i din.
daddy was disappointed in me D:

well.
sorta quarrelled with him ytd midnight for tking my phone away.
i was waiting for my boy's call.
he din call in the end.
but being the one hu's having pms n mood swings.
i yelled n throw tantrums at him.
sigh
i felt really guilty that i cried.
i love my parents a lot.
after the funeral.
a sudden fear of losing my grandma n parents.
i kept reflecting of wad i've done that made them proud.
nth.
instead i gave them my shits n temper.
my wasabi temper.
tking everyone arnd me for granted.
my family. my frens. my boy.
i cant imagine how sad i'll be if i lose any of them.
im scared. really very scared.
i can even cry imagining it.
how stupid i'll be for making myself upset.

i hope my temper can change.

these days the weather is humid!

{sometimes i wish that she know where she stands in my heart.
but i dun tink i stand as imptly in her heart as i used to.}
:\
though we aren't as close as we used to be.
but i want ya to know that you're a sister i nv wanna lose.

i miss him.
i wish we could spend more time tgt.
and i wish its quality time.
not just time whr u do your tings n i do mine.
:/ sigh

i hate losing ppl around me,
seriously...

my mood these days really very sucky.
D':D':D':D':D':

treasure every time u have with everyone arnd u.
before u lose any of them.
cos we may not be tgt forever.
at least there'll b some bittersweet memories left.
why must the world be so cruel...?

but its reality we're facing.
ppl come n go.
those hu stay by you are those hu're true.
but eventually...
they'll be apart from you.

sometimes i really regret :/

2007-05-27T13:41:00.000+08:00

IHATEMYWORDSCAN.

sometimes i just do things too overboard that i can even hurt other ppl.
hereby i wanna tell GLORIA sry for being so mean.

perhaps is because i placed myself in a position that i've experienced it myself n therefore i just spout those nonsense and hurt her.
im so wilful.
im so childish.
im so ignorant and oblivious of wad other may think of wad msges im trying to convey.

*currently indulging in the oh-so-delicate-GIOTTO.*
SLURPS.

MTOLEVELISTMR.
i was shaken up by navin's msg to wish us good luck for the mt o level tmr.
and i nearly cried after thinking that its my death day tmr.
O LEVEL.
i dreaded for this day to come yea.
:((

so many things happen.
mayb im at the "zi wo wei zhong xing xing tai" now.
oh my gods.
i hate it.
i wish i'll stop thinking that im always rite at my words.
hate it.

2007-05-25T19:20:00.000+08:00

MOTHER TONGUE DRILLING.
28 may is in 2 days time.
omg...
im damn nervous and stressed up.

wish everyone whose reading my blog GOOD LUCK ON 28MAY.
and I LOVE EVERYONE. :DDDD

esp, bennyluaweechiang.
YAY! I CAN SEE HIM TMR!

2007-05-22T19:56:00.000+08:00

i hate those effing fcuking shits that's just always happening everyday.

sigh*
sometimes is bcos he dunno he's wrong thats why he cant change.
mayb one day, he'll know that he's wrong.

i hope that you wont give up.
i know u cried after i told u this.
i read ur blog.
haish.
should not have said.
should not have told ya.
sry.

and im here always.

i love my frens!
i love my boy too.

sometimes i just wish i dun exist in your world.
so you wouldnt feel the agony i gave u.
sometimes i wish everything can be forgotten.
i wish u can forget everything.
i know you're trying as hard i am to drift from u.
im glad to see that.
i hope we'll remain the same like this forever.
cos you're someone i can never wanted to lose in my life.
somethings u may not know wad i feel about u.
as i never told u.
i just leav those words i wanna tell u unsaid.
i just pretended i knew nothing.
and i never wanted to hurt anyone.
sometimes i cant keep what i wanted to say.
i'll control.
i'll not do it again.
cos i know that you feel sad of what im doing to u.

im guilty.
im really guilty.

I WANNA SEE MY DEAR BENNY LUA TMR X:
i super miss him.

i want tell benny.
i decided to tell him.
i dun like him to go pub.
mayb i think too much.
like wad i think.
i dun even know wad you will do thr.
wad if you're drunk n do something that brks my heart?
maybe im unreasonable.
im not demanding for u to restrict urself to go.
but i just cant keep a peace of mind when i know you're going to such places.
haishh.
i feel so SUCKY.

im very afraid to lose u.
sch reopen le.
like u said.
many pretty girls thr.
i kept thinking.
if ur feelings one day will change like u did the other time.
i'll be the one who let go.
so you won't be troubling who to choose.

im wrong or right.
you're the one hu decides how i feel n affects my mood.

是你决定我的伤心 .

2007-05-21T18:45:00.000+08:00

he started sch today.
:(((
actually i quite sad.
lols.
crazy me.
cos we wont have much time tgt le.

and of cos new environment.
new pretty girls. to seduce him blablabla.
my imagination run wild.

sometimes i wish im not sensitive.
i really wish i was not.
i really can think a lot till i make myself upset.

i see adoncia silly girl cry.
i feel sad de laes.
dun wry my dear. :D

i know of a guy.
who's so devoted to a girl.
but the girl dun like him.
and...
i shan't say further more.
but i just feel.
that he's so silly.

ppl call me stupid.
stupid.
yes im stupid.
but i know i din make the wrong choice.

today during shift1 review.
i know something le.
which make me so sad.
i dun wan to be the next hrtbroken one.
i dun wan!!!!!
i hate to lose you.

from wad i tink.
the 3rd party.
though the person ass'ly dun even know she is the 3rd party can!
is an angel in disguise.
when i heard of that news.
i know its gona to link to the "angel"
she so sweet n innocent.
but with a mask on.

so many guys fell for her spell.
but din know actually she's just a FAKESTUFF.
:)

SHE DUN EVEN KNOW.
and i feel so BU GANYUAN for ......
i hate 3rd parties.
they suck.
they should go to hell.

and fuck those 3rd parties.
you'll nv live life better.
im telling you!

i hope you're fine.
n it hurts me so much seeing you like this.
though u nv show.
but i know wad it is like.
wad it is like to lose someone.

haishhh.
i had a bad day.

i wish benny knew how i really feel.
i wish u would understnd.

perhaps guys dun understnd we girl's sensitivity.
if a girl is sensitive.
it means the someone is very impt to the person.
is not tat they are controlling.
is becos they care n they cannot afford to lose the person who they love so much.
but yet.
the sensitivity is neglected,

haish.

i wish we would have more time tgt.
DD:

would you be there to love to be with me?
would you swear that your love is always true?
would you say that you'll always be the one.
to take my breath away.
would u be there?

so long since i've heard those sweet words.
i miss you MUCH.

last of all.
i love everybody esp NATADECOCO,SIMIWAKO,TIKO,YOKO,CHIKO.
imiss AHLING!

2007-05-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

thks for the medicine n lozenges.
i feel better i guess.
you're so silly.
you're so sweet.
ILOVEYOU!

went TM just now.
saw so many clothes on offer n necklaces SOOOOOO CHEAP!

:DDD
cos GSS coming soon!
wahahahaha!!!
but sad case.
i cant shop.
during june hols.
its a critical moment for me to prepare for my O levels.
i'm scared.

DSA-JC
omg.
i wan TPJC
cos the offers sound tempting.
but sad thing is.
MY SEC3 wasn't up to the sch's expectation.
DDDD:
my sec3 juniors.
make sure you do well everytime.
so its easier to get admitted in a JC...

imissyou.
everybody!!
esp AHLING. :DD
and bestie.

AND MY BOY!!!!!

tmr wx chalet.
he got chance le :x

sometimes i wish u were here when im feeling down.
i dunno why.
wadeva things im sad about today.
i cant tell u.
cos i feel as if it doesnt matter to u DD:

2007-05-16T22:56:00.000+08:00

rather disappointed in my science results.

just completed my compo for english tuition.
this friday.
i already decided.
im going for wenxiong's bbq. :DDD

have to buy his present.
i go the bbq got motive de.
I'LL PLAY good person LA.
help wenxiong.
HOR????
so that he'll have chance ma.
hehes

haish.
i dunno why i cant bring myself to tell u those words.
everytime a call or sms.
i always hope its you.
but its nv u.
so now.
wadeva call or sms.
i know it wont be you.

it can nv be urs.

imissyou.

im so touched by your words today
actually i wanna say.
with you here, no matter how painful my throat is.
its fine for me. i can endure all hardships.

would you be there, there for me forever. promise you won't leave me like you do.

cause i dunno where i'll be without you.

MY NAME IS CALLED SAIKO.
:BBBBBB
my dear joanne is called YOKO.

lols, japanese names for singaporeans are craps.
no roots.
no gui shu gan :DDDD

tang lao shi influenced.

2007-05-15T20:17:00.000+08:00

i'll study hard.
i'll definitely do my best on 28 may.
i'll do my best!
my very best.

its my only chance.
and!
i'll pull up my socks.
O levels may seem long to come.
but actually.
this is the time for me to work hard for it.

watched 200 pounds beauty.
was an awesome movie.
pretty girls, HANDSOME guy!

OMG.
and it makes me wanna go for plastic surgery!
nah.
tats a joke.
plastic surgery does not bring out ur true self.
tat movie was touching.

i wish i was pretty.
with a kind heart.

im so disappointed.
im at a loss of words.
my dear sis.

the hug today was really so warm.
i love the feeling.
i hope i can feel the hug eveytime anywhr.
but why must i bluff myself n bring myself to believe that ur hug is true?

sometimes i feel like talking to u privately.
but it seems that you're busy.
everytime i come ur hse.
was that i wanna spend time with you only.ONLY.
not to accompany ur computer and stare at blank space.
i just wanna have a nice talk.
but it seems that we'll never get to have a heart to heart talk.

time is flying.
yet i have so many resolutions unfulfilled DDD:
sometimes my life just sucks.
study stress.
relationship,.
FRIENDSHIP.

everything seems to be a problem to me.
i feel like breaking down and scream.
boy.
you know i need you the most.
whenever i need someone to love.
its you i think about.
majority of the times.
you were never here.

i wish we have more time to spend together. DDDD':

my dear brenna lil sis.
it hurts me so much to hear tat you cry.
haishhh.
i cant do anything about it.

eveyrbd brk my heart today.
my bestie cried tday too.
haish.

why is life so miserable now?
when will it be back on the right track?

最
想
聽
的
話
卻
沒
從
你
口
中
聽
到
。

sometimes i just feel that i love you more than you do.
and the feeling sucks.
i hate walking behind of you.
i feel lonely.
you understnd?

it hurts to wake up every morning with so many troubles in my mind.
it hurts to wake up everyday in the morning not feeling the presence of your love.
never will i one day wake up not worrying if u still love n think of me.

you never understood wad i wanted.
do you know wad i wan?

2007-05-11T15:35:00.000+08:00

456459
typed by fuyee =.=

anyway.
just help to update on my feelings.
i ain't happy. im darnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn sad upon seeing someting.
mayb i tink tooooooooo much...
i won't tell u wad happened only fuyee knows.
cos i know he won't even wanna care.
aiya ask me oso no use cans.
cos YOU wont even care.

just becos of a stupid reason,
i got angry over it.
u know why?
cos i dun trust u.
i dun believe you.
i nv...
RIGHT FROM THE START WHEN U LEFT ME FOR HER.
wads the point?
can anyone tell me?

or can u tell me why must i torture myself everyday just to find a reason to hold on to u when u dun even care.
u tink u care.
but i dun feel the care.

wads the point of holding on to a relationship when you are not even happy about HIM?
there's still better guys out there.
but nbd can replace him.

wads the point????
can u tell me...

you never treasured me at all.
dun say u do.
cos i nv even felt ur love rite from the start.
I DUN FEEL LIKE SEEING YOU TMR,
DDD:

where's everybody?
i need somebody to console me.

see how much i dun trust u.

lil thing u do.

i'll get suspicious.

do u tink i have the ability to hold on to our relationship.

u tink im happy with u???

im not ok. DD':

haishhh.

our relationship gets older.

you're the one hu changed.

i changed too.

shes sooooooooooooooo lucky mans!

like kena 4D n toto lor.

she say de mah.

so sweet hor?

omg...

i demand one testimonial from himmmmmmmmm like sooooooooo difficult sia!

still say she lucky cos he nv write to other ppl de laes.

and he sooooo slow to find out tat she broken up with her bf le.

omg.

he soooooooooooo busy and sian until he can even write for her tat chiobu than mmmmmeeeeee.

wahhhhhhhhhhhh!

aiya. i say wad. u oso will tink i ridiculous de la.

i tot it thru le.

2007-05-10T19:47:00.000+08:00

stay home the whole day.
actually was not tat bored.
as i slept the whole day thru 3pm.
was happy that my dear boy kept his promise.
he called me at 11.40am.
though im tired.
but im happy upon hearing his voice :)

monday will be our c.o buffet at seoul garden.
ohno~
im really very excited.
so long since i see my juniors of c.o le.
DD:

nvm.
after o lvls we shall be reunited again :DD

i watched tv.
read some of the sources of the MT articles.
i'll continue to do that after i finish watching the 8pm variety show. :DD

MT o lvl is coming.
i can feel the tension.
i'll work hard on my language.
tan lao shi has drilled us about the o's

i miss everybody.
esp my boy, bestie, sisters, gf, grpof5.

i love you...
i hope you know how much you mean to me.

MAKEUPTIPS!!!

eyes:
pick a colour that you like and you think will look good on you.
eyeshadow should be darkest close to your eyelashline and gradually lighten as you spread them evenly.
always apply mascara at the root of your eyelash to give a "bigger-eye" look.
and the eyelash will not drape as the time goes by. and you'll not look tired.

lips:
create a strong shape if there are shadows at the corners of your mouth that make your tips go downwards which gives u a grim look.line lips with a lipliner first and use a concealer just outside your lips to create a clear contrast.

face:
when using foundation and powder, do not cover eveyrthing, but only the point that is neede to be concealed.
blend the foundation outwards, starting from the centre of your face.
cover the points below you eyes and the two points beside your nose.

cheeks:
apply blush along cheek bones.
start applying blush at the point that lies in the middle of the straight line between your nose n the point on your face next to your ear.
to find that point, open your mouth n you'll feel a hollow next to you ear. apply blush from the point in the middle of this line and continue along your cheek bone.

my parents give me too much stress le DD:

2007-05-09T22:08:00.000+08:00

{/edit}
i've uploaded the music video "PHOTO by ryan cabrera."

this is a nice song. {/edit}

when u tell me that you loved me. were those just words.
you cant tell me you dun nid me.
and i know tat hurts.

2007-05-09T19:01:00.000+08:00

the weather is effing hot today!
omg! DD:

im sweating all over even though i just came out of the bathroom after bathing...
shucks.

though i aint having good hold of my language...
but some profiles and blogs are sooooooooooo irritating.
their word are like soooooo wordy...
as in...
iie lurbbes euuS berii berii muchhiees worrS.
mishhesS moiii boiis loadsieess loadsiies.

i go @.@

its ATROCIOUS COMMAND OF ENGLISH
it sends me shivers.
gosh.

enough said.
its none of my business anyway :)

MYE are ending soon.
except for the last MCQ phy n chem.

went for ART SA.
many ppl din turn up.
but its ok la.
cos only MYE.

after MYE im gonna be a official bookworm till my o's are over.

JCJCJC here i come!

such a disappointment!
before i knew.
my lil used-to-be innocent sweetie sister changed.
into a potential ahlian.
steal!she actually went to steal. DD:
she dun even know how many people are sad over her change.
cos i tink she won't even care.

like what ppl say.
if someone change.
there's nothing to stop it.
cos is her instinct that made her change.
i cant do anything.

now she sees me in sch.
she wont even call me "jie" anymore.
instead we walk pass each other like strangers..

我們就這樣變成了漠不關係的陌生人。

2007-05-08T18:15:00.000+08:00

i wish i am as blessed as my sister.
a boyfriend who loves her.
though both of them are far away from each other.
they can still feel the love they have.

one in vienna{europe}... one in sg.
i wish i could be happy like her.

dunno why i feel so down.

2007-05-08T17:23:00.000+08:00

sometimes.
i've got a feeling.
i feel as if im not ur gf.
but ur beck n call.
whenever u need me.
and if im not thr.
you show me ytour attitude thru the tone you;re speaking to me.

now caring anymore actually.

:/

art!!

SA1 maybe over.
but my O lvl have not over yet.
after my SA is over.
i shall polish my MT up by reading n reading.
n get prepared for my MT O lvl tat is coming this 28th may.

no matter wad.
i;ll not do everything in a nick of time anymore,

a lesson learnt.
to me... i cant cope with last min work.
i;ll feel more stress...

其实很爱你

离开不会太悲伤
有些心情该释放
直到眼泪它自己落下
才发现骗不了自己
其实很爱你
现在学着去遗忘
躲开有你的地方
回忆被谁放在书架上
把他从最高的地方落下
感动越是深刻
寂寞就越伤人喔
每个人的心里都
会有一段伤痕
像白纸的天真
仿佛被你伤得好深
相爱不需要理由
离开也没有理由挽留

2007-05-06T19:02:00.000+08:00

how i wish i can tok to u like the past.
how i wish i can love you like the past.

things ain;t the saem anymore. i guess....

DD:

how much i miss you...
you;ll nv know.
cos i nv have the chance to tell u.

far far away.
away from this world.
away from my beloved frens.
n you.

i feel so distant.
haishhh...

i mis EVERYBODY.

fi fove fou.

2007-05-04T14:58:00.000+08:00

pics: BANGKOK. time reverse...

airplane :\\\

yummy food bfore our fligjht at mbk. XIAO LONG BAO. YUMMY!

lols. the elephant humsup. go beat the guy;s treasure.

finally thrs a time for me to rest!

tat day i went mini bits saw so MANY NICE earrings.
I WAN ALL THE DANGLING EARRINGS!

omg...
if i can buy one everywk.
too bad.
im having financial problems now.
sighs

despite my cash flow problem.
i went shopping... ONLINE.
omg i love it mans.

so many nice clothes.
but i cant buy all i like.
mangae to get a halter top.
stripes.

hehes.
i;ll be bring frost to the vet at night with my sister.
shes driving.,
OH GAWD.
my fave frost.

hehes.
i miss him.

i;ll be studying soon.
after i bath and eveyrthing.

)):

today;s test is A DISASTER.
i planned to wake up at 4 am to study my geo.
ytd i slept quite early bcos i was sad.
but whenthe alram rang at 4am.
i was happy bcos im wrong about my sadness.
so happy!

<3 size="1">YOU.

i find it so hard to catch up with the world and ppl who im drifted away from...
)):
haishhh.

evryone seems far away.

2007-04-29T16:17:00.000+08:00

FUCK STRESS LAR
I CANT GET ANY MATHES SUMS IN MY MIND.
SS NOTES CANT GET IN.
GEO ALSO.
SCIENCE OSO.

I DUN WANNA FLUNK~

)))))))))))))))))))))))):

HELP ME !

wont be blogging til MYE over.

THIS IS THE YEAR TATS CRITICAL FOR ME.
I;LL TRY MY BEST,

2007-04-29T14:59:00.000+08:00

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gawd.
i miss him sooooooooooooooooooo much.

))):

he said want to call me when he wake up de.
ended up nv.

forget it.

im bored.

FRIDAY NIGHT WAS SO FUN!
((:

on mrt cam whore lar.
make those crazy faces.
SO FUNNNY!!!

i love my frens.
i love my boy.

most of all.
I LOVE MY BESTIE.

and i miss her too.

congrats to mr n mrs kuku ((:
im so happy for the both of u!

2007-04-25T21:41:00.000+08:00

ytd night went to mr wee hse for tuition...
((:

so funny.
mr wee rocks.

and today.
before going home.
went ep.
collect stuffs.

and.
ah ling n adoncia came my hse.

AH LING IS MY GIRLFRIEND. ((;

adoncia/shenn is my meimei la.

guiling is my forever one n only bestfriend.

bennyluaweechiang is my forever love.

GRPOF5 are my forever sister.

409 is my forever CRAZY CLASS.

meimei;s are forever my meimei;s

jiejie are forever my jiejie
auggy is my forever jiemei!

cryonmyshoulder brot u into my thoughts.
i miss u!

2007-04-23T22:34:00.000+08:00

till bestie see this.

haishhh
i noe wad you tinking.
you know why we drift?
our time din tally.
and exams arnd the corner.
we cant slack like last time anymore.
u have to study.
i have to study too.
its diff le.

it aint like last time.
if i hav time
i;ll try to find to to b with u ryt?
mayb u tink i m not.
but u cant see.
everytime i wanted to tok to u...
wad face u give me?
"LEAVE ME ALONE"
how m i gonna tok to u?

we have a disadv... is tat both of us came from diff class.

we;ll catch up the old times.
we will.
but after all the exam stress is gone.
mayb june.
but june is also a crucial period for us.
mug n mug.

after o lvl;s then we;ll play now.
now we have to do is to study hard.
mayb i hav no time to catch up w u.
i oso hav no time for my bf.

during recess.
i hav to go up early bcos i dun wan to be late for my class.
n when im with my frens.
we as a grp.
u dun even wan to tok to me.
i tok to u..
u give me attitude.
wad this?

n u said u;re left out?
i tell u things unrelated to the topics about me class.
but u just gave me a nod or two.
how am i going to carry on w my conversation.
n u say i dun understnd.
mayb bah.
cos you;re always the one hu give me conclusion.

hey...
we are all grown ups now...
we hav to face prob tgt but not just give me a conclusion.
how m i gonna know about the prob?
can u tell me?

i'm beginning to b tired of everything.

mayb u see this post.
u heck care.
though i have many close frens.
but the one closest to my heart is u.
but you nv believe.
how m i gonna convince u?
never will i.
cos you;re stubborn.

everything is a messed up.
we chose not to face it.
everytime we meet.
u;ll always give me a black face.
how m i suppose to tok to u?
ur temper changes like weather u know.
sometimes you;re like so normal to me.
sometimes u trted me like an enemy of urs.

i nv told u tat.
i know you;ll be angry.
but now i have to say.
before evrything gets worse.

we are best frens rmb?
and u always give me those disheartening remarks.
it discourages me.
always say "lets not be best frens anymore blablabla..."
i find it rather threaten.
n rather juvenile.
everytime i hear this.
u know how angry i am?
i dun show/
cos i treasure our frenship.
i dun wan to flare up at u cos if we do...
it;ll be the end...

you say nth last forever.
hey.
tats wad u assume...

mayb you;re merely losing faith.
tats all ur preceptions towards things.
you were nv confident in everything.
tat speaks for urself when facing a problem...

haishhh.
im saying all this... but no one understnd bahs.
*SIGHS*

you said tat you;ll always be thr... but i nv felt ur presence...
somemore wad u did to me today.
is the most hurting thing.
coldness. DDD:

2007-04-23T21:38:00.000+08:00

u said u will be thr.
but i know tat you were nv thr.

awwwwww.
i feel so lousy now... DDD:

2007-04-23T20:21:00.000+08:00

everytime our eyes meet.

this feeling inside me.

is almost more than i can take.

baby when u touched me.

i can feel how much u love me.

And it just blows me away

I've never been this close to anyone or anything

I can hear your thoughts

I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do

I'm so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life

With you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Baby I'm amazed by you

i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee this song!
this friday im celebrating ADONCIA bday with the rest!
and im soooooooooo damn excited about it.
CC:

im so crazy in class today :DDD

well.
i love everybody.
esp YOU. ^^

sorry my dear. i have no time this days.
will make it up to u after my o;s.
like u said.
we have plenty of time.
tats the rest of our lives ryt?
i hope u keep your word somehow. =\\\

somehow...
the words seem so unreal.
but i hope i can believe u for once DDD:

2007-04-22T15:26:00.000+08:00

just to update on my situation past few days.

i know everyone cares.
but no matter how they cared.
i feel aint no happier.
really...

haishhh.
i dunno why no matter how much u tell me about how u feel.
i just won;t listen.

hey.
wads wrong w me...
i oso dunno.

stepped down from c.o
im still a celloist.
i;'ll be back after my O;s...
i;ll perform for the sch.
i will!

im proud to be a celloist.

hope you wont RUN AWAY from me anymore bahs.

next week adoncia bdae le ((:
hehes.
friday going celebrate w her!
many ppl will be thr.
sure damn crazy and chaotic...
hu cares...
we;re 409 mah.
409 is a fun class...
i;ll nv forget the fun times we have tgt.
im so happy!

<333

i miss you DDDD:

2007-04-21T19:20:00.000+08:00

He Wasn't"
There's not much going on today.
I'm really bored, it's getting late.
What happened to my Saturday?
Monday's coming, the day I hate.

Sit on the bed alone, staring at the phone.
He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
He wouldn't even open up the door.
He never made me feel like I was special.
He isn't really what I'm looking for.

This is when I start to bite my nails.
And clean my room when all else fails.
I think it's time for me to bail.
This point of view is getting stale.

Sit on the bed alone, staring at the phone.
He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
He wouldn't even open up the door.
He never made me feel like I was special.
He isn't really what I'm looking for.

Na na na na na, we've all got choices.
Na na na na, we've all got voices.
Na na na na na, stand up make some noise.
Na na na na, stand up make some noise.

Sit on the bed alone, staring at the phone.
He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
He wouldn't even open up the door.
He never made me feel like I was special.
He isn't really what I'm looking for.
He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
He wouldn't even open up the door.
He never made me feel like I was special.
Like I was special, cuz I was special.

Na na na na na.

2007-04-21T18:20:00.000+08:00

cos i couldnt make the feelings stop.

we went out today.
just a simple lunch at bugis cafe.
i feel tat we;ve nth much to say to each other.
is like everything changed.
we;re not close anymore.
we drifted so far apart.

i dunno how long tis will continue...
but i just want to cool down.
this relationship needs time.

haishhh.
we dun even have time for each other.
i feel tat.
dun wanna tok about.
no point salvaging i guess. ):

2007-04-21T00:49:00.000+08:00

guardian angel, may i c u once again.?

awwwwww. i feel sad now.
i want to cry. DDDDD':

heyyyyy heyyyyyyy my heart
i dun like wadya thinking.
no way no way.
i think you need a new one.

i dunnno watcha thinking.
but our distance is getting bigger without u knwing.
cos trust is nv thr...
from e day u left me.
my trust for u has gone to 0%...
i dunno why i cant bring back it.

i gradually gave up.
but i know i dun feel ok.

haishh.

2007-04-19T21:27:00.000+08:00

jiao lian told us tat we;ll be opening a c.o concert next yr january... n we sec4 can participate if we wan to.
OF COS I WAN LA.

im proud to be a c.o member.
though the music is a cheenah pokish kind.
but i;ll nv forget the ups n downs i;ve been thru with my seniors n juniors.
tmr will be our last performance...though thrs one in 2008...
i hope my frens will support me next yr for the c.o concert...

i;ll nv forget... those rebellious days...
i;ll nv regret thise days tat we;ve practiced so hard for our goals.

i love c.o.

im lost.,

2007-04-19T19:27:00.000+08:00

i cried.
long time since i cried.

i knew it.
i knew how silly u can be...
i knew how noble u can be...
i finally knew...
i finally knew...
but i know... its too late...

i stared into space...
i read sth...
i know tat you're giving up...

yes... its a good ting...
i wanna thkew u for ur care...
n for ur shoulder...

u;re avoiding me...
i feel sad u know.
even fren u dun wanna trt me as...
i wishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
haishhh...
no one will listen to wad i say de..
they;ll sure think tat im doing sumting wrong..

sad things happens today.
irene meimei changed.
she put on twitty eyeliner n her skirt is short...
n i tink bfore one day i knew it...
she;ll pick up smoking...
why must she become someone so slacky... childish...
ah loians aint cool...
they;re a disgrace to singapore;s society...

another ting...
she......
does she trt us as a fren...?
no...
she always hides things frm me...
heyy...
is not tat u only admire someone ba.
if im not wrong.
bth of u r having a relationship le...
i hav nth to say.
but we all just act stupidly to listen to ur lies.
u hated ppl to lie..
but rite from the strt
i knew u were lying...

i juts hope my presumptions r wrong...
so tat i wont be so disappointing...
i foudn out sumting...
but i knew tat u will continus lying to us...
i have nth muhc to say.
but to put on a mask...
n pretending tat nth has happened...

sad things makes me cry.
i wish eveyrting will stp..

n to update...
i;m crying now... ))':

2007-04-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

hey.
im blogging in thailand hatyai now!

((:
hmmms...
temple visits today,
no shopping.

he din take the initiative to sms me today.
i guess tat he;s busy at the chalet bahs.
i miss my frens in sg.
i miss him most. )):

wonder if he does.
well..
he forgets about me le la

)))))))))):
very sad!

2007-04-05T20:36:00.000+08:00

OOOOOOOMGGGGGGGGG!
first time in a budget terminal.
looks quite high class yea.
but it budget.

i hate boardin airplanes.
just checked in our luggages.

i just called my BENNYLUA.
i miss you so much baby.

same applies to my bestie n all my frens. i love u guys. BYE!

)):

2007-04-05T18:17:00.000+08:00

will be leaving for hatyai later.
2100pm flight.
reaching in a 1hr flight.

just msged u.
but no reply from u.
sighhs...

mayb some ppl are rite.
other ppl care n love me more than u do.

=((((
i cant bear to leave sg.]
cos i cant see u for 3 dAYS.
i tink you;ll be much more freedom n happier bahs.
hope you;ll tke care of urself.

i miss u, MY BESTIE, MY SIAMSIAM, ADONCIA, SHENNIE, 409 boys n girls, same. BLABLABLA.

my frens can bring my joy n laughters... but....... you?
i dunno why im feeling this way....

goodbye everyone.
contact me thru my thailand no. ((:

tooooooooooodooooooooooooohs.
my day is soooooooooooooo dead )):

2007-04-04T23:08:00.000+08:00

you;ll be the last i wanna hurt,
i swear from the bottom of my heart.

i feel so....................................
hard up...
im nasty...
i dun deserve wad u gave.
i dun deserve your devotion,

))):

2007-04-04T19:40:00.000+08:00

will be tking a flight to HATYAI thailand at 1900 hrs tmr night.
contact me thru my prepaid no.
ask from me...

((:
hopefully i;ll have a good look of bennylua before i leave.
the feeling shucks
i feel like crying.
so many days.
i;m unable to see him.
i scared the day i come back, he;ll no longer be thr.
and in other girl;s arms.

trust him yea?
haishhh.
i dunno lar.
u know i lose him once.
n im super scared.
forget it.

tmr i will spend my day with him...
i wan tell bestie sry.
sry for not being able to spend my time w u.
hopefully u understnd...

i bot my sim card today!
yay!

i like it so much. its nice.
thks my dearest fren.
i;ll wear it.

haishhh.
i;m very confused now lar!
wadeva.

im sensitive.
hypocritical.
im insensible.
i;m a nasty girl.

wad i do... can anybody tell me if its rite or wrong?
haishhh.
i hate myself la.

i love you i love you. i hate losing u again.
dun leave me ));

no appetite these days.
cos i;m flying to thai soon.
i tink too much.
i feel like crying la.
haishhh.
i scared if i go le.
wehn i come back.
you;ll be in othr ppl;s arms.

dun dun dun!!
pls dun!

jerry yan;s so mesmerizing.!
i like his role in [the hospital]
he stays by the girl he likes by her side thru sunshine n rain.
nv leave her.
how sweet.
though the girl dui bu qi him a lot times.
he still forgives...

*melts*

by reading chin leong blog.
i know he;s say us tatalways skip c.o n still dare cry whne we get bronze.
ya we deserve it.
upon seeing the post.
my heart really very hurt.
i really regret,
i miss c.o now.
i love c.o a lot.
ppl mayb thing chinese orchestra is a kuk cca.
its not
its cool.
im proud to be part of c.o...

a celloist.
mr goh is rite.
and orchestra is one voice de.
last time i always think.
as long as the cello sect has ppl playing the cello.
it;ll be fine.
now bronze medal proves us wrong.
i missed many practices.
one practice is 2- 3 hrs.
means i missed about vry long practice.

regrets oso no use.
MY DEAR JUNIORS OF EVSS chinses orchestra.lets work hard for GOLD in 2009.
i;ll be back to support u guys.
placed high hopes on u ppl...

dun disappoint me.,

CHINESE ORCHESTRA is my life.
i love........C.O

2007-04-03T19:50:00.000+08:00

we din tried our best
i strongly know tat we din put in our best.
oh gawd
kept thinking about it today.

EVSS MILITARY BAND must get gold k?
work vvvvvvvv hard!!!

i hate ppl from good sch.
lets not ask why.
stuck up blardy wimps.

maybe tats the reason im not happy about.
but i was ok in sch lor.
same hyper-activeness and insanity.

then after sch.
my mood drape down a lil.
bestie was asking me too.
but i said i was tired.
i know it wasnt tireness.
i just dun feel like giving a wide smile or feeling happy.

eat le.
jiu walk to bus stop.
then parted ways.

i went to hair secrets to pei him
he dyeing his hair.

and its brownGREEN n milkyWHITE.
he looks older ))):
i dun quite like actually lar.
cos it makes him look like a hooligan.
=(((

then go leonard hse watch show.
then jiu go home le.
i had a bad day.

sighs*
unhappy.
but u wont care or support wad i do.

2007-04-02T22:36:00.000+08:00

im freakingggggggggggggggggggggg lethargic!
my body is aching over due to the standing of heels for the whole tiring yet disappointing day.

had my last SYF in 2007 in representing EAST VIEW SECONDARY SCHOOL as a senior celloist.
yet all the hard work and stress we had... had gone down to the drain by getting a bronze awarrd.
which not up to our standards.
we effinggggggggggggggg went offbeat,
OH GAWD.

its must be the fate tats playing on us....
we were sooooooooooooooooooo good while practicing in school.
all the motivations n determination build up thru the orch spirit.
was lost.
when we were at the tuning room.
we sounded so damn awful tat all our confidence have been drained out.

before our turn was mayflower secondary.
which are another bunch of rich yet arrogant freaking shit bunch of idiots.
they said our cello are so old n we cant play well with old cellos.
OH MY GOD.
dun dey have anybrains to tink.
having beautiful yet new cellos doesnt mean tat they;ll play well.
though they did.
so what?

they;re arrogant beasts....
and bloody mothr fuckers.

before the SYF competition.
receieved many good luck sms from my sweet classmates n frens.
i was waiting for tat one n only special msg from him to make me feel happier.
but unfortunately.
it nv came.

my eyes were swelling with tears when it was our turn to perform.
cos i have a bad omen tat the cello sect will screw the whole performance up.

and instead.
everyone screwed it up.
our standrd bcame a BRONZE standard.
but i really know tat tat was the best we could do.
mr goh is so nice.
n our instructor is nice too.
he;s anothr sch, bedok south got gold.
yea.
we;re a disgrace to him by only getting a bronze.

haishhh.
total disapppointment.
and by the time wa steh cello;s turn to play,
my confidence became a zero.

thks to those blardy jackass yet despicable brats from catholic high.
gave us a sheepish laugh like "HEY-GO-HOME-LA.-CANNOT-MAKE-IT"
ya.
wadeva.

i glared at them.
wad a illbred fucker.
good academic.
good cca performer cos they got a gold of honours.
but ill mannered upbringing by their families.
arrogance.
an utter disgrace to their image.
their moral values.
totally a turn off.
tats an unruly behaviour mind you.

well.
recieve the results.
i cried.
yes.
i felt sooooooooooooooooo BU GAN YUAN!

haish.
not evryting can give last chance de.

even give last chance.
some ppl still wont treasure it.
i learnt a lesson.

i hope my juniors will aim to get a gold in 2009.
JIAYOU!

2007-03-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

SOCCER IS SO FUN.
francis yeo is so idiot one...
say tat he cant believe it tat girls are actually ahving fun playing soccer w the guys.
well.
hu in the world sets the rule att we girls should not play rough sports?

SOCCER is SO FUN!

lols.
anyway.
shennie reminded me tat thr;s 3 more days to c.o SYF
im so scared
but confident.
tat we;ll be able to get silver or best... gold.
jiao lian says tat we are capable of getting a gold if we are veyr perfect...
hmmms.
WE MUST TRY!

cut my fringe today.
thks bestie n adoncia meimei pei me go cut.
but i look weird...
even my boy laugh at me... )):

haishhh.
anyway.
i;m off now...
end here bahs.

i hate ppl hu r impudent!
and i hate AHLIANS.
yuckksssss.
it isnt cool to be one.
they;re so immature... (:

oh ya..
and i dun understnd why ppl skip l;essons for,
hey.
its and disadvantage to u ppl lor...
i read some ppl;s blog..
they pon class stil hapy happy write on their blog.
i know it aint my business but.... i just feel tat they PON the class with honour...
oh yea...

its their problem anyway.
they;ll learn lesser by the end of the yr.

I;LL WORK HARD FOR EVERYTHING I WANNA ACHIEVE!

2007-03-28T22:32:00.000+08:00

i finally understnd.
i really understnd le.

after i heard the story.
i really feel the situation currently is me n his.

do not take your love ones for granted as you nv know... you;ll lose him/her again...

i miss you......................................................................
wondering if you;ll call me tonight...

2007-03-27T20:01:00.000+08:00

imagine me without you.
i;ll be lost and so confused.

):

had eng DT,
and summary is darn difficult...

while havingDT, the sec3 ppl made alot of monkey noises...
and i got really frustrated... and added on to that...
the weather is so TEMPERAMENT today.
at first it was raining.
then so fcuking humid.
and it rains...
and it gets humid agn.

OH GAWD.
we hav to learn how to recycle ler.
the world is everchanging now.
hope our love would not.

after DT.
i meet my lovely cutey lil boyfriend.
LOLS.
he;s so cute lar.
i hugged him upon seeing him.
OMG.
tats so warm...

we took bus 38 w adoncia...
he wanted to send me home and go for muay thai.
end up leonard nv go.
so he nv go lor.
then we walked arnd eastpoint.

im so sryy my dear...
for being such a bore to u.
i know u feel boring...
haishh.
im useless tat i cant entertain u bahs.

but i dun feel bored.
cos with u... i feel its enough le.

i cant find someone hu trts me better than u do.

i miss u~send u sms oso nv reply.
haishhh.
i rather not sms u next time bahs.
ur absense of reply made me feel so down.

OMG,
he;s back in sch.
and he;s gorgeous~~~

*melts*
BUT HE SO DAO...

i feel sad when ppl hu dun reply my msg purposely.
i feel the sadest when i dun feel his love for me.

he nv cares. thoooough he claim...
omg...
im starting to become like the past him...

i suck lar.

reading qiu yun n xs quarrel is like so CUTE!
SO CUTE SO CUTE SO CUTE SO CUTE~ (:

&& ALVIN SAYS he wants to buy sweets for me tmr!
im so happy!
YAY!
i love eating sweets during boring lessons at sch...

i guess he doesnt need me in his life anymore.
to you:

你还爱我吗
一直好想问你这句话
却又怕听到你真实的回答
你还爱我吗
为何你总是不说话
眼看我为爱不爱挣扎

2007-03-26T18:57:00.000+08:00

rainy day.
and i was nearly late!

daddy fetched me n adoncia to sch...
then art was okok.
yellow washed my canvas board.
wednesday gona tranfer my final peice to the canvas board le.

was so suprised tat my mt oral score is a Distinction.
hopefully O lvl can get the same Distinction too...
so it can pull my overall to a B3...

i;ll work hard for a Jc.
and i;ll work hard to earn and also treasure him...
ytd i turn on my water tap.
n my pillow got all wet.
i was so upset over something.
i kept HU SI LUAN XIANG.

i really got thing wan tell him today.
he asked me...
but nth came out.
i wanted to say tat...
i dun like him to work w her. =xxx
its a ridiculous thing.
but its from my heart.

im jealous bahs.
i htink he will share cab w her all tat.
u noe i feel weird...
can anyone put themselves in my shoes?

im crappy ryt?
dun mind me.
i cant say this things thru my mouth.
its sooooooooooooo useless.
im so useless...
i know.
oh well...

thinking of last yr...
i like to cut my wrist using a metal ruler to make a scar on my hand.

now when ppl tell me thay do tat...
i feel that this kind of action is really childish.
i wont blame a sec one kiddo to do tat.
and they;ll post their POOR THING cuts of their masterworks after they cut their bloody wrist.
and they;ll write EMO ME. or they;re nick will be like eg. EMO WAWA.
lols.
funny...
hey.
its childish.
ppl who wan to cut their wrist or whatsoever.
before u do it.
pls think.
think wisely.
are u tat sad tat u wanna cut ur hand n leave a scar?
in tat case.
cut ur throat.
or..
u can clal my hp. no... and tell me u nid help to cut ur wrist.
dun do it urself.
cos when u cut... there;ll be a limit of painess.
how about i cut it for u...
sure very pain till you GET HIGH. (:
think.
dun act childishly.
and dun act EMO.
dun be a jackass...
and tok in a pompous dogmatic way like "IM ME. n u huan lo tat i cut my wrist"
i;ll huan lo back to u...
"tats ur freaking arsed problem. ((: AND HEY... YOU;RE ACTING LIKE A KID VERSION OF A FCUKTARD... ((:"
if u tink tat u, urself is impt...
then think twice.
think twice.

like me in the younger days.
OMG.
tking footsteps of me in the younger days...
like being a hongster... a hokkien dialect vulgar;ian {does tat word exist?}... and a ultimate beater of guys... for no reason... full of hatred...
and many enemies...

ah lians are childish CREATURES.
just bcos someone from the same sex stare at u...
and you;ll like go "KUA LAN"
omg...
if u nv look at the eprson how u know the person;s looking at u...
and there goes their dai ji,
and those girls walk like guys... in 386 way.
i aint better in my walking.
at least i dun swing my arms like they;re gonna break...

im saying all these...
just to give advice to my dearest fren chang rong to tell her all these...
in case u nid any help to advice her under the wrist cutting section...

and...
benny lua...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
i like the way u hug, kiss n act cute to me.
makes me melt...

i am fatty.
and fatty is my name.

wish i can see u tmr too. ):

2007-03-24T20:49:00.000+08:00

today.
went for tuition with an effing foul mood.

becos i din have enough slp ytd...
due to waiting of calls while tokin to me frens.
i waited for his call..
jus to hear him say good night to me...
but he playing lan.
so nv call me le lor...

he was late today...
i;m not angry...
but its like.
i told him my feelings this days of him.
i tot he nv treasure our relationship.
n i told him...
u say say only cos he told me he miss me,
i reply my sms with atitude...

im at fault too.
he din reply.
i was so sad tat i msg bestie abt it...
thks girl.
i cried on the way to town.
and on town.
so malu
i intended to shop alone at town.
for my c.o shoe
then we talked things out.
i told him i wan to go his hse find him affter i bot my shoe.
and he;s so sweet to come down find me at far east...
was happy.
but sad actually.

then on mrt...
he sang me this song...

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里你的真心

如果我的坚强任性
会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒
我虽然心太急更害怕错过你

i was on the verge of tears.
and he told me tat dun nid to be scared to tell him the truth...
cos if i cry...
he rather me to cry in frnt of me...
then me crying alone.
at least i wld hav a shoulder to lean on...

thks my dear...

then reach simei.
then sit at kopitiam with him and his frens...
i kept tinking...
hu is the J*L**e they toking about...
my mood went down actually.
i wanted to ask him.
but no guts.

i scared tat the hist is repeating..
i dun wan to lose him agn...
i hope no matter wad.
he;ll tel me truthfully.
i hope he wont like the girl agn.
i hhope he has nth to do w the girl agn...
i;ll feel sad of they work tgt...

mayb im too sensitive.
but hu wont? wen ur love one w last time they like de person tgt?
sure will think in the wrong way...

haishhh.
i love you.
im ugly. lame.
shitty.

2007-03-23T21:22:00.000+08:00

everytime u wan me to tell the things tat i feel like saying.
i cant bring myself to say them out...
cos i know...
wad i do for u...
wadeva SHITS i do for u...
to u...
is useless...
is nth...
is CRAP for u...

im sad...
but u dunno.
when i nid u the most.
you were nv thr...
is either ure unavailable...
or u nv wanted to care...
u just fool arnd... jk with me n stuffs.
u tink i feel better?

u noe i feel so neglected by u...
when i tell u sumting...
u tell me stuffs like u care or wadeva...
actions speaks louder than words.

i feel so USELESS!
whenevr i wanna call u.
u know how scared i m?
im so afraid tat i;ll disturb ur game...
you;ll say things tats so hurting...

when i cry...
do u know?
i have sleepless nights.
i cant tok to u...
so i called someone to tok to me...
do u know tat?
i bet u dunno...
cos we;ve nv had a chance to tok anymore...

i cant tell u how i feel.
you wont care.

my frens ttell mi to tell u...
i;ll say...
no use de...
he;ll say things tat he wont do...
he;ll say he care... but the care aint care...

im so tired of eveyrthing cans?
i feel like telling u eveyrthings...
but...
i noe you;ll laugh at me...
i noe you;ll say things tat make me happy... then u wont do those things u said...

i have no faith anymore...
U DUN CARE.
U DUN CARE.
U NV CARE.
U NV CARE.

neglected.
when is the last time we spend time tgt. just us... so happily...
WHEN WAS TAT?
before u left me...
those are the happy times.
now...
no more.
its gone,...
the feeling is gone.

i tink u feel happy.
though im sad.. i hope evryone arnd me is happy. esp siam siam.
im a lachrymaniac.
no one can change the fact.
i cry eveyrtime.

2007-03-22T22:24:00.000+08:00

saw MY benny lua today!
so happy!

((:

i tok to ................
erm...
.........found someone new tat he likes her...
i mean he nv say...
but i know it from the way he tells me...

i feel so................ weird... i knw the feeling aint happy...
i should not b feeling this way...
i know.
i should be happy.
oh wadeva.

all the best.

i miss you!!
n im meeting him tmr.
yay!
this days rarely see u...
i feel so....
mayb not used to it...
but in future...
oso rarely can meet up...
but its ok for the both of us ryt?
as long as love exists....
our relationship wld b on the rite track one...
((:

i love you boy...

2007-03-20T22:08:00.000+08:00

i dunno why i feel so..................
when i know that.......................
alrdy has someone new............

stop those stupid thinkings!
=\\\

i love bennylua~

2007-03-20T20:43:00.000+08:00

haish.

today;s crappy.
everything screwed up.

i woke up.
saw the msg.
is ji tao sian one cans.

can u understnd the situation now?
this tings happened upteem times.
you;re someone so impt to my life.
n yet???

haishhh.
go sch.
tok to her.
she reply with great attitude.
is either w attitude or no reply...
really so rejected.

i dun give in to ppl.
becos she;s my best fren...
i give in...
i dun wan lose my best fren.
but i really hope she;ll be more understnding.s
she nv told me wads the prob...
jiu give me the solution...

hello...
its merely your excuse bahs.
dun feel like mentioning evrything.

i;m trying my every strength to put this frenship on the rite track.
everything is upside down for me...
the more i tok to u...
the more i wan to withdraw.

my dear boy.
i understnd ur stinking attitude this days.
dun nid to say sry to me de...
though i feel quite hurt about your impatience this days.
i really hope tat you;ll be more patient with me..
i love u boy...
2 most impt ppl hurt me the most.

)):
haishhh.
my mood sucked.
i hate this kinda life.
when would things go back on the right track??????

fcuk.
im feeling so lousy...
but no one cares...

2007-03-16T20:53:00.000+08:00

遥望着你背影
有孤单太苍白
我多么想陪着你
走过人山人海

当天空变灰白
你的忧伤澎湃
我多么想走进你
紧锁的心海

我一直都在你身后等待
等你有一天回过头看我
我的笑送给你希望你快乐
你的难过都给我
关于你的一切我都
好好收藏着

我一直都在你身后等待
等你有一天能感觉到我
就算我在你世界
渺小像一颗尘埃

我也会给你我所有的光和热
我鼓起勇气呐喊
你要听得见
我不许你再孤单
要你拥抱我给的温暖

2007-03-16T20:39:00.000+08:00

no mood to post.

BENNY LUA.
I DUN WANNA LOSE YOU AGAIN.

do u know?
i only want you.
cos i love u a lot...
i dunno y...
)):

i dreamt...
i had a bad dream
a nightmare.
eveyone left me
including u.
u know i cried?

i quickly hugged you tight.
i knew you;re unhappy...
am i too demanding?
u said u dunno wad i wan from u...

wad u told me ytd night.
i really kept thinking of it today...
i cant help...
i hid my feelings to everyone.
i miss you so much.
i have to much to tell u...

you know i cant go on without u.

2007-03-13T21:39:00.000+08:00

firstly...
u came back,
happy.
im happy...

but our relationship actually got worst...
wondering if ur heart is truly mine...
i must understnd...
benny lua wee chiang is not 100% MINE.
he isnt...
though he claim he is...

he;s a LOVER OF MUAY THAI (latest)
he;s a PAL OF SOCCER and his soccermates...
he;s a LOYAL brother of his bro...
he;s a loyal fren of other ppl...
most IMPORTANTLY.
HE;S A DAMN DAMN HARDWOKRING GENKI SUSHI WORKER.
he works almost everyday.
and everytime open mouth genki... close mouth all abt genki...
so i oso follow him.
open mouth my class;s boys... close mouth oso my class boys...
he din care i guess.
so i din wan to care about wadeva happen at genki...

now...
though we see each other frequently...
the feeling he gave me...
isnt care..
but neglience...
wonder if he knews about how the way he trts me really hurts me...

he knock off at 4 pm...
i evn kept rushing my frens to hurry up cos im late to meet him from work...
sadly...
i reach thr...
he knew de...
but he keep dilly dally...
tok tok with his frens...
eat...
smoke...
i stand outside genki sushi for like so long.
i sms;ed him tat im outside.
he replied.

{IM INSIDE... WAHHAHA.}
and i waited for 10 mins...
sitting alone at the staircase...

ya...
can u ppl understnd?
isit im petty or wad?
i dun understnd why he wans to trt me lidat now...
now i dun even feel like fetching him from work le...
wad happen?

i tel him... he oso wont care de...
dun say last time i nv tell him about my unhappiness.
this is wad happens when i say tt he took so long to come out...

"come so early for wad... next time dun nid come so early de..."

i tell u ppl...
im typing this post crying....
the tears tat i kept from ytd...

whr in the world is my XI XIN;SWEET lua wee chiang?

everything i tell u...
once in a while...
you;ll tke note...
but now?

do u know wad time my c.o start @ thurs n fri?
do u know wad oral i have b4 i called u in the morning?
do u even care about me being sad?

DO U EVEN CARE ABOUT ME?

if i nv want to think about all this...
means i;ve already given up on u....
but i havent...
can u pls pls pls pls...
haishhh.

i dunno.
i seriously know we need to spend time tgt...
just the two of us...

when is the last time we two spend time only US alone tgt????
when????
everytime i wan to spend time w u alone...
you;ll always call ur fren to come along...
i dun even have a chance to tok to u abt my feelings...
u keep asking me why i look so glum....
ur frens arnd...
how m i suppose to tell u?
when im on the bus or train...
how to tell u?

do u know?
i love you... ????
i guess... you;ll nv b thr... when i nid u....
can u give me sense of security?
im cyring now...
i guess no one knows...

i feel so alone...